


Rift Jumpers

by CommadorSpace



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Allura is angry and it shows, Alternate universe meets original universe, Attempted sci-fy writing, F/M, Gratuitous Violence, Healing from truama, Keith's general distrust of Lotor, Learning To Trust Others, Space Battles, a little sad, co-dependency attempted writing, ptsd attempted writing, therapy bots
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-23
Updated: 2020-01-29
Packaged: 2021-01-01 18:42:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 20
Words: 39,264
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21147449
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CommadorSpace/pseuds/CommadorSpace
Summary: Thrown into the eighth universe so far, Lotor and Solara finally meet the Paladins of Voltron- except Lotor is supposed to be dead and they've just jumped through a spice-time rift into the control room of the Castle of Lions. Explanations will only go so far and trust isn't a thing for either side. But there's still battles to be fought, so they're gonna have to work together. Lotor and Solara just want to go home, but finding each portal means running around in a different universe until they find their own. Can they last that long?





	1. I prefered the open battlefield.

The Vlic threw a grenade, sending us scattering. The explosion sent my ears ringing, but I propped my gun on the broken wall and took aim. Finger on the trigger, I counted. One, two, three…

“Four on the left, two on the right!” I shouted, straining to be heard over the screams of the wounded and dying. My partner cursed. He hurriedly loaded his stolen phaser and breathed in deep. Then he leaped over our makeshift cover and charged the enemy, guns blazing. I followed without thought. Taking down two from the left, I whipped around, shooting the one trying to sneak up from behind. Then the gunfire fell silent. We both froze, listening for any sounds of fighting. Nothing. My partner let loose a nervous laugh. I felt my mouth tug upwards in response. 

“I can’t believe we lived,” He said, baritone voice rumbling with emotion. My own laugh was wobbly.

“When have we not?” I asked. My partner looked down at me, fondly exasperated.

“You were shot two days ago. I was poisoned last week,” He reminded me. I waved a hand, the gesture tired and floppy, snorting. I opened my mouth, witty rebuttle at the ready- a gunshot cracked through the air. My chest burst into flames of pain. I screamed and fell.

“Sol!” Even as I hit the ground, my partner was firing off a round and crouching over me protectively. I locked my jaw and smoothed out my expression, trying to compute the pain tearing my arm apart. Another gunshot split the air, dirt exploding to our right. Then the footsteps came. Metal boots tramping in perfect sync. My partner cursed, threw his gun, and scooped me up. I screamed behind clenched teeth, but didn’t move from my crushed position between his arms. I couldn’t afford to distract him. It didn’t matter, though. Our escape was cut off by a tall, tall figure. He wore Natyvv armor, silver cloak billowing in the smoky air. 

“Well, here we are at last,” He sneered, “The two famed fighters. Blessed with life. Charmed against all harm.” He bellowed a laugh. “Not so much anymore, eh?” I snarled through the fuzz in my head, tipping my body away from my partner’s. He got the message and set me on the ground. I would die on my feet. 

“General Theeb,” I hissed. Theeb bowed mockingly low, confident in our helplessness. If only he weren’t correct.

“At your service, surely,” He rose and signaled the troops behind us, “But you won’t be needing it. My mistress the Lady Glaid sends her regards.” I braced myself, side pressed to my partner’s. Frustration and horror welled in my chest. We had been so close! If only- light burst onto the battle field. Everyone covered their eyes, crying out in shock and pain. Blinking against the sun-bright light, I saw…a circle? My brain started firing correctly and I recognized it as a portal, like the ones from Dissityl. It belched fire and smoke, searing the soldiers behind us with a wave of heat. They fell back; some collapsing, others stumbling away coughing up their lungs. I saw the chance. The general and his fighting force were distracted, even incapacitated. I grabbed my partner’s hand and started running for the portal. He saw my plan and surged forward, now pulling me along. My free hand scrambled along my belt, searching blindly for the sonic bomb that would close the rift once we were through. My partner grabbed me, both arms winding around my waist and leaped-

We fell against hard marble floor. The air was bright around us, the white hue only possible with artificial light. Tugging the bomb free, I threw it at the portal. With an ear splitting screech, it hung in the air for a moment, then the portal snapped shut. The silence was deafening. My partner sat up, arms still tight around my middle and glanced around. He hissed in a breath and rolled, pulling me under him. Looking about, I noticed what put him on edge. Seven people stood around us, looking slightly singed in their armor suits. I grunted and started riffling through my pockets, searching for something useful. Against so many, though, I doubted I had anything that would help. One of the seven stepped forward, angry surprise on his face. His armor was edged in blue, making his dark skin look darker.

“Lotor?!” 

My partner froze up at his name. He didn’t move from his position over me, but afforded himself a glance between the closer one and the rest that ringed us. I could feel the blood pooling under me. So far, adrenaline and shock numbed me to the pain of the deep graze in my side, but I knew it would wear off in a few moments. Then I saw her. Her own armor was lined with pink, white hair in a braided crown. She was partially hidden by a man in a red and white body suit, but I knew her regardless.

“Lady Na’hil!” I gasped. Tears pooled in my eyes even as my heart wrenched. Above me, Lotor twisted to look. His eyes found her a second later. Lotor sagged in disbelief. 

“It’s not possible! You- you were in the castle when it was destroyed!” I slithered from under him, rolling into a kneeling salute, right hand pressed to the empty sheath laying horizontally at the small of my back. My left arm hung limply, dripping my life to the ground at a worrying speed. But my mind was consumed with Lady Na’hil. I lifted my head, a wet laugh escaping.

“How we missed you! The others were so disheartened! But we knew you were alive!” I smiled through my tears. Confusion crossed her fair face as she traded looks with her guards.

“Um, I am not Lady Na’hil,” She said slowly. I blinked at her stupidly. “My name is Princess Allura.” I waited a beat, trying to stall the pain I felt building in my chest. Then I took in the minute differences. Blue eyes in place of brown, lithe body inside a body suit instead of healthy curves sheathed in chain mail. Despair knifed me solidly in my chest. I screwed my eyes shut, trying to keep the wail of loss inside. 

“Look, it’s nice that you’re bowing to the princess and all, but who are you and why is Lotor here when we left him back in the quintesince field?” I paid no mind to the boy in blue and white armor. Beside me, Lotor gulped down air, keeping his own devastation at bay. 

“I am Lotor, this is Solara. We have come from the planet Skivgin via the space-time portal you opened. It saved our lives, though I fear our comrades have perished,” He explained, voice thick with emotion. I sat back, hand pressed to my side, tipping my face up in an attempt to stop crying. My face was blank, rage and heartbreak roiling under my skin. Finally, I regained control of myself.

“Yeah, okay, still doesn’t explain the Lotor on the floor,” I turned to the speaker. Yellow and white armor, a hard face still edged with the softness of childhood. 

“This isn’t your Lotor. He’s from Diabaazal-three,” I said. The teen gave me a blank look. I sighed. Again with the long explanations. Then the floor under me tipped and swayed. I choked back bile, feeling my stomach roll and twist unpleasantly. Instantly, I had Lotor’s attention. 

“Sol!” He caught me, holding me to his chest securely. I breathed in deep against the pain and nausea. The smallest of the group stepped closer, frowning. 

“She’s hurt! Quickly, get her to a healing pod!” Arguments exploded around me, but they were far away. I pressed my face to my partner’s cool neck, breathing in his scent, and swallowed hard. 

“Vargus-three,” I whispered against his skin. I felt him nod, then a wave of sleep crashed over me, drowning me.


	2. Explanations, revelations, and a jail cell

I blinked. In front of me was some kind of…shield. Beyond that, a familiar back. Then the shield broke into small hexagons that faded from existence. My body sagged and fell forward. Quick as a whip, Lotor twisted and caught me. I let out a breath, feeling wobbly and sleep-tipsy. I spewed a few mumbles, trying to get my mouth to work. Lotor’s laugh rumbled from his chest. The room was smaller than the first and there was only one other person in it. The black and white warrior, still wearing his armor. I heaved in a breath and got my feet under myself. Lotor’s arms fell away from me, but he remained where he was. 

“They’re requesting our presence since you’re awake. They want an expatiation and in return they said they would tell us about themselves,” He explained. I let out an aggravated sigh. Of course. But I was tired. Slowly, I led the way to the man guarding the door. 

“Well, let’s go,” I said. He looked surprised, but nodded and opened the doors. The hall was at least three stories tall and wide enough for several men to walk abreast. I glanced back at Lotor, wide-eyed. He dipped his head slightly. He’d noticed it too. This was the Castle of Lions from Altea-six. Only alive and clean. That meant- I choked back the surprised sound in my throat, hand to my mouth. That meant these were Paladins. I’d seen the armor hanging in the ready-bay, but never on a person. How many more changes would I see here? Finally, we made it back to the first room. It looked like a control room, but way sparse. Only four chairs and a central dais faced the large windows. The rest of the paladins stood waiting for us, the princess and her aid included. I recognized the pirate well enough, though I doubted he’d kept the name I’d known. The white and red warrior was glaring at us, hateful suspicion all but pouring off him.

“Alright, now that you’re not bleeding out, please tell us what’s going on. You’re…friend here wouldn’t say anything while you were out,” The black paladin requested. I rolled my eyes, smiling internally at Lotor’s attitude. Turning back to the group, I took a breath.

“We are rift jumpers,” I began, “That means is that we find rifts in the space-time continuum and jump through them, closing them as we go. Mostly because they’ve started to leak a cocktail of problems that leak from reality to reality. That spells out bad news. So me and him-” I nodded to my companion on the left, “find and close them. Occasionally, we get drawn into the native’s problems, but we always leave when we find a rift.” I paused, looking at the faces around me. Most were following along, but the blue paladin looked lost. When no one asked any questions, I continued. “I found Lotor in the third reality I jumped into- on Daibazaal-three. He needed help and in return he followed me to close whatever rifts I found.” I stopped there, sure anything further would cause them to spontaneously explode. The short, green paladin was nodding, chin in hand. I saw a few other fascinated expressions and a lost one. The black paladin was carefully neutral, while the red paladin looked from me to Lotor and back.

“Soooo, what you’re saying is that you’re jumping from reality to reality and closing the door behind you?” The smallest paladin clarified. I nodded to her. 

“Basically. Why these holes opened I don’t know, but I was given sonic grenades and the mission by Thysal. She gave me a way to get home. I intend to make her proud,” I finished. The princess gave me a narrowed-eyed look. 

“You’re working with A Galra? With Lotor?” I stared at the Na’hil lookalike. She glared at Lotor. Anger sparked in my chest. I’d seen that look on other faces. Slowly, I stepped forward until I stood between Lotor and Allura. When she met my eyes I held them. 

“I’m working with a friend and partner. One who’s saved my life multiple times. His life I place above all others,” I said. I could feel Lotor stiffen behind me, but ignored him. 

“He cannot be trusted. He’s a Galra. He’s proved that many times,” She hissed. I stepped closer, answering her challenge. Allura’s hate was mirrored on the faces around me.

“I don’t. Care. He’s never betrayed me,” I defended. Lotor’s hand gripped my shoulder, pulling me back from the princess. The blue paladin stepped forward.

“So? He’s betrayed us a bunch!” I snarled at the boy, watching with satisfaction as he recoiled.

“Lance, back up,” The black paladin ordered. 

“I’ve never met you,” Lotor protested. I swung back to look at the princess.

“Your Lotor might have been your enemy, but this is not him. This is my Lotor. He’s never been anything but faithful,” I declared. The yellow, green, and black paladins looked contemplative, but hate still warred on Lance, Allura, and the aid’s faces. 

“I still don’t trust him- or you for that matter,” Lance said, “I vote we lock them in the prison until we know what to do. Hunk, buddy, you with me?” The yellow paladin jumped at the name. The big teen hummed uncertainly, tipping his head back and forth.

“I agree. We don’t know if you’re telling the truth or not, so for now it’s the safest option,” Princess Allura decided. I stepped closer to Lotor. I’d never met such a hostile Altean. But then, I’d only met a handful so far.

“What happened to believing in peace first? Extending the hand before the sword?” I snarled. Both Allura and her aid jumped at the Altean phrases. 

“How did you know that?” The aid asked, tugging at his ginger mustache and squinting suspiciously.

“I told you, I’m a rift jumper. I’ve met Alteans before you and Allura,” I said. The red-head Altean stiffened.

“That’s ‘Princess Allura’ to you!” He yelled. I turned my glare to the white-haired female.

“No princess of mine,” I said. Her eyes hardened. 

“To the prison,” She growled. Lance and the black paladin herded us to the door and away from the fuming Altean.


	3. Baring souls and skins, all for honesty

“At least we’re in here together,” Lotor offered. I gave him a sardonic smile.

“You threatened to eat them if you were separated from me,” I told him. Lotor tipped his head back and laughed, sharp teeth flashing. 

“I couldn’t resist! They looked like the quivering Tykids from Vintinn!” He snorted gleefully. I scooted closer and grabbed a lock of star-white hair, smiling widely. We sat on the ground, facing the clear wall that looked at the room’s door. Turning, I started to braid his hair, like I did whenever we had nothing to do but wait. “How long do you think they’ll keep us in here?” I whispered. Lotor shrugged.

“It depends on how much this reality’s me betrayed them. You wouldn’t be too keen on trusting someone who looked like Tel, would you?” Lotor asked quietly. I cringed. He had a point. Tel had been one of our closest friends on Olvin-three. A pretty Stiji, all fluffy feathers and jumpy energy centered in her three taloned feet. But she turned traitor because it seemed funny at the time; to watch our base crash and burn on the planet Stilta. Admittedly, her species had a very different view on things like morals and sides, but it still cost us the civil war. 

“You have a point,” I allowed, “But this is a different reality.” 

“Not to them,” Lotor looked at me straight on, “To them, I am the same Lotor that betrayed them, maybe killed people they love, or even cost them a home. I’d be willing to bet that they never come to trust me one hundred percent.” I looked up at my friend, dismayed. His indigo irises were filled with only patient acceptance. I gave him a disapproving stare.

“You are really too kind. You don’t deserve this xenoism,” I said, “And don’t argue- she said you couldn’t be trusted because you were Galra. That’s xenoism, if not xenophobia.” Lotor smiled and sighed, shaking his head.

“You don’t need to fight my battles for me. I am perfectly capable of defending myself,” His voice was soft and fond. I rolled my eyes.

“Liar,” I accused. He laughed. I turned to lean on the wall behind me, settling into wait. Lotor mirrored me. These paladins seemed like the fighters on Falsid, in my third reality. Slow to trust, loyal to a fault, but impossible to befriend if you liked the wrong person. I locked my jaw. So be it. Even if Voltron was awake in this reality- the second so far- I would stand with Lotor and against them should it come to that. I sighed, suddenly exhausted. Sliding sideways, I slumped in a heap onto Lotor’s lap. He chuckled, running a hand through my shoulder-length brown hair. Honestly, how could they not see how good he was? I closed my eyes and decided to sleep until someone came to talk to us. I breathed in deep, taking comfort in Lotor’s heady scent. It was safety, comfort, and home. Gently, Lotor’s claws scraped my scalp, melting my muscles and sending my negative emotions fleeing. 

“Works every time,” Lotor muttered, a smile in his voice. I gave him a half-hearted glare through slitted eyes. For a time, I drifted, content to stay under Lotor’s gentle and skilled fingers. Then the door slid open with a breath of compressed air and the paladins strode into the room. Sparing them a glance, I rolled over, nose pushing into Lotor’s stomach. 

“Alright, lover boy, listen up,” Lance’s voice crackled through the speakers, “We want answers and they’d better be truthful or you’ll regret it.” Lotor scoffed.

“And what will you do if I lie? You don’t have the eyes of a seasoned warrior, nor the stomach for torture I’d wager,” He said disdainfully. 

“Lance, stop it. We’re supposed to be the good guys,” The green paladin’s voice cut off Lance’s protests, “My name is Pidge and this is Shiro. You’ve met Allura and Coran already. That’s Keith with the frown.” Coran? Coran…Coraaaann…Oh! The princess’s aid? 

“We had some questions about the space-time rifts you say you jump through,” The black paladin spoke. In my head, I ran through the faces and names I knew. Hunk- yellow, Pidge- green, Lance- blue, Allura- pink, Coran- nil but probably the ginger, so Shiro must be the black paladin. I started to fiddle with a string at the hem of Lotor’s army-surplus-provided shirt. The black color was fetching against his purple skin, though I liked how his beige cargo pants looked more. They cut a very nice figure. 

“Is she just gonna ignore us the whole time?” Hunk asked. I sniggered quietly. That was the plan. Lotor resumed his playing with my hair, making me relax into him and sigh happily. I heard a disgusted groan, then someone started to rap on the reinforced glass.

“Hey! Hellooo! Don’t ignore us!” Lance’s annoying voice grated on my ears. I growled and sat up, but didn’t face the inquisition squad. Instead, I leaned forward and whispered into Lotor’s ear.

“How long do you think they’ll wait until they get bored and give up?” I pitched my voice low enough that even I almost couldn’t hear it. But since Lotor was Galra, I knew he did. Lotor turned, mouth brushing my earlobe.

“I doubt Shiro will give up at all. But I give Lance another minute,” I felt his grin on my jaw. I sniggered again, sorely tempted to test that, but I had words for the five of them. So I turned and faced the paladins. Lance was glaring, Pidge looked very put out, Hunk seemed…a little afraid? The red paladin had his mouth pressed into a firm line, brows low over his eyes. Keith, then. Coran and Allura wore matching frowns, and Shiro was once again carefully neutral. 

“Where did you come from? How did you find the space-time rifts? How many realities have you been to?” Pidge asked, I blinked against the sudden barrage. 

“I come from Earth. I call it Earth-one to keep it straight in my head. That’s where l heard the first rift. So far, I’ve been to…” I turned to Lotor, crooking an eyebrow. He held up seven fingers. “Seven. So this is my eighth.” Shiro and Pidge were both wide-eyed. 

“If you’re from Earth, how did you-” Keith interrupted Shiro.

“How do we know you’re telling the truth?” He shouted. I recoiled at his fury. I looked over my shoulder at Lotor. Lotor’s face twisted into a frown. 

“I don’t like this plan,” He growled. 

“You have a faster way?” I held Lotor’s eyes until he gave in, though he snarled about it. Then I stood and walked to the glass, tugging my shirt off as I did. I ignored the cries of alarm, holding my black shirt in a hand. My chest bindings kept my modesty intact. “These are proof.” I said. Slowly, faces beet red, the paladin’s peaked through their fingers or opened their eyes. Then they gaped and stared. Scattered across my pale, sun-starved upper body, in between my many scars, was a galaxy of planets and stars. They were each inked in black and carefully labeled with names and coordinates. 

“What are those?” Coran breathed, face pressed to the glass. I turned slowly, allowing them to see every tattoo. 

“These are every planet I’ve landed on via space-time portal. Sometimes I fall through a portal and stay in the same reality. Other times I leave and come back. After the first rift jump, I decided to memorialize my adventure and had Kritz tattoo Frintil, the first planet,” I pointed to an ovalian planet on my hip, ringed by three moons. “Then hit Olkarion. Here. My shoulder was bruised for a week, let me tell you. The third one was Daibazaal, where I found Lotor.” I pointed to the base my neck, five centimeters above the center of my shoulder blades. I heard Allura mutter something, but it sounded foriegn to my ears. Probably an Altean curse. 

“You inked yourself up with planets?” Pidge asked. I tugged my shirt back on.

“It makes sense to me,” I shrugged, “And I placed them in every spot that my skin first touched the planets.” 

“I think you answered Keith’s question,” Lance muttered, still looking through cautious fingers.   
Allura cleared her throat.

“Well. I think we should pull back and deliberate,” She announced. The group nodded and withdrew from the room. Lotor glared at me from the floor.

“Was that necessary?” He glared. I sighed and knelt in front of him, picking at my sleeve. I was wearing an identical outfit to Lotor’s, since our previous reality’s allies believed in uniforms but lacked proper funding. Cotton and prayer was the best they could do. 

“Honestly? Probably not. But we were getting nowhere fast and I’m tired. I want to sleep, take a bath or a shower, and find the nearest rift so we can jump from this awful reality. The Spirks on Vularth were better than these guys- and they treated us like children for months!” I pouted, staring at my knees. Yes, it was nice not to be running for our lives, fighting in someone else’s battles, or hiding from violent natives, but these paladins were despicable! Treating my only friend like he was Hell incarnate just because he looked like someone they hated. I glared, remembering the looks Allura and Kieth tossed at Lotor. He was better than both of them combined- a purple hand curled around my own dirty extremity, clawed fingers stopping the destruction of my cuff. 

“They don’t know any better. Before your first jump, would you have believed one of Earth’s worst villains if they fell from a portal and claimed to be different? Even after your second jump you wouldn’t,” Lotor said softly. I chewed on my lip, trying to come up with a convincing argument. But darn the Galra if he wasn’t so logically flawless! Lotor’s free hand cupped my chin and lifted it until he could look me in the eyes, indigo to green. My shoulders slumped in defeat.

“I just hate how they treat you,” I finally whispered. A small, sad smile lifted the corners of Lotor’s mouth. 

“There will always be those who hate before they know,” He counseled. I felt my face fall. Lotor sighed and pulled me into a hug, wrapping his long arms around my smaller frame. I leaned against him, trying to push away the anger and sadness that weighed on my heart. 

“You are my one and only true friend,” I mumbled into his shoulder, “I would see you stand tall before cheering crowds.” Lotor hushed me gently, rubbing my back soothingly. 

“I need not adoring multitudes when I have you by my side,” He consoled. I huffed a laugh. 

“Even though I’ve…” I couldn’t finish the sentence, but Lotor knew me well enough to hear what was unspoken.

“Even then,” He assured me. I let out a breath of relief. Hearing him say that never ceased to give me comfort. I knew back home I would be shunned at the very least if anyone knew. After all, who could love a monster that found joy in ending lives?


	4. Baths, comfort, and space

We stayed in the prison for two weeks. During that time, we were visited by the paladins and Allura, who asked questions and threw insults. After a week and a half, I figured they were just trying to catch us in a lie, because they kept asking the same questions in various forms. Shiro and Kieth were particularly good at asking misleading questions, though they never managed to trip me up because I had never lied- nor was I there for nefarious reasons. Finally, Shiro stood before me, hand raking through his short white hair. The small tuft in particular looked frazzled. 

“Well, I think it’s safe to say you’re not lying,” He conceded, “It took some convincing, but I managed to get everyone to agree you’re not here to sabotage us or our mission. Even our Lotor was never so frank.” He turned to Lotor, eyebrows raised. “He would try to talk us into letting him out all the time, but you haven’t asked once.” 

“I am content so long as I am with Solara,” Lotor shrugged. Were I any more of a romantic, I would have blushed. As it was, I merely nodded my agreement. We’d seen too much to be anything but transparent with each other.

“Well, in any case, we’ve decided to give you a little freedom,” Shiro smiled. I sighed in relief. I was dirty and wearing two and a half week old clothes that still smelled of blood and dirt. I could only imagine how I smelled to Lotor. My nose was all but ruined thanks to a mishap on Trith. Stupid fog trees. The fourth reality had just been an all around mistake. 

“Does this mean bath time?” I asked hopefully. Shiro nodded. I laughed, clapping happily.

“I had hoped to be offered one sooner. Its beginning to become unbearable in this cell,” Lotor sighed, standing.

“Its a good thing I’ve lost my sense of smell, then, huh?” I followed Shiro out of the cell and through at least four hallways. 

“You lost your sense of smell?” He asked, quirking an eyebrow. Lotor laughed, remembering the misadventure. 

“Yes, she thought the trees on Trith were like the ones on her own home planet in the first reality. Instead they excreted a noxious fog-like miasma that, when inhaled long enough, cause permanent olfactory damage,” Lotor explained, mirth exuding from every pore. I whipped around, pointing a finger at him accusingly.

“Let’s not forget who got their eardrum burst saving a handful of Yurticixan fauna during a firefight!” I crowed. Lotor’s face flushed a deep violet. Shiro looked gobsmacked. 

“At least I didn’t blow up a complex because someone spit at a friend’s shadow!” He returned. I opened my mouth, then paused. He got me.

“No one proved that,” I said. I turned back to Shiro, nose in the air. Lotor’s rich chuckle filled the hallway.

“Aaanyway, here’s the bathing rooms. Men’s is on the left, women on the right,” Shiro pointed to the respective doors. I shifted back towards Lotor, suddenly not wanting to clean myself. Not if it meant being vulnerable. By the way Lotor drew himself up and over my smaller frame, I knew he agreed. Shiro looked at a loss for a moment.

“Oh, they lock from the inside, so no one can get to you while you’re bathing.” He assured us. I pressed my lips together. What a great strategy to separate us. After a tense moment, I gave a jerky nod. If we were going to live here for an uncertain amount of time, then we were going to have get used to the fact that we wouldn’t be able to be near each other twenty-four-seven.

“Fine, but if anyone tries to break in, I’m not going to be held responsible for my actions,” I warned. Shiro gave me an understanding smile.

“Don’t worry, no one will even enter the hallway,” I eyed him suspiciously, but turned to Lotor. He gave me a worried look. I patted his chest, smiled, and moved to the right door. Wet heat slapped my face, condensation beading over my body. I took a deep breath and moved into the steam. The door hissed shut after me. I made sure to lock it, waited three seconds, then rapped on the door eight times. Our code that said we were okay. It changed from reality to reality, because predictability, but the number of times I knocked on the door had to match the reality we were in, so eight knocks for the eighth reality. Satisfied, I turned my attention to the baths. 

The room was spacious, filled with at least ten different sized pools and probably scented, but it was too light for me to tell. The steam made everything look hazy, but I could still see. Finding a corner bath, I picked my way over carefully and walked in fully clothed. Like I was going to get naked on a ship I didn’t know with people I didn’t trust simply because someone claimed that the doors only locked from the inside. Still, I almost melted at the delicious heat of the water. Bottles of soaps, oils, and other liquids ringed the pool. Choosing one at random, I dumped it onto a sponge pulled from a nearby pile and started scrubbing. Dirt and blood sloughed off of my body, circulating down a hidden drain. After I had lathered everything twice and scrubbed the suds off three times, I just floated. My muscles relaxed and my mind drifted. How long had it been since I’d had a real bath? Our time in the seventh reality had been totally consumed with the war, so hot water was a luxury quickly forgotten. We’d been in that one for…what, a year? Man, that’s a long time! 

“Are you okay in there?” I jerked upright with a splash at the voice. Panic shot through me. I surged to the lip of the bath and out of the water, switching to combat mode instantly. I put my back to the wall, watching the door for any movement. A ringing started in my ears, drowning out even my own heartbeat. I needed to get to Lotor. Now. Silently I wound around the room, eyes always on the door. I steadied myself- “Hello?” I froze, Pidge’s voice breaking through my racing mind. I sagged against the wall, breathing raggedly. Passing my hand over my face, I tried to shrug off the battle haze. This was worse than Vyn-six. Slowly, I stumbled over to the door and unlocked it, lurching past the small girl. I tapped on the door seven times. After the initial parting-knock code, we took off a number when trying to get back in contact. A moment later, Lotor’s door swished open. He’d taken the same route; bathing with his clothes on. His wet hair hung limply around his shoulders. He took in my haggard face and immediately wrapped an arm around my shoulders. The comfort was instantaneous.

“Right, anyway,” Pidge said, “I’d like to ask you a few questions about the rifts. I think I know how they opened.” My attention was caught. Pidge led us down a few more halls and up an elevator. Three turns later, we emerged into what looked like an airplane hanger that an electronics store threw up in. Monitors and computers sat on every counter, desk, and shelf. Wires ran over walls, snaked across the floor, even hung from the ceiling. I kept an eye on my feet, the other took in my surroundings. The room hummed with energy, colors and data readings bleeding into the air. Some holographic information spewed from multiple places. Pidge stopped at a random computer.

“This is where you came through,” She said, pointing to a blinking blue dot, “This is every other similar reading I could find. So far, I count seventeen. No- eighteen, another just popped up.” The green paladin started typing away, mumbling about various formulas and Hunk’s opinion. I glanced at Lotor. He shrugged, looking bewildered. “Aha! Twenty! I created an algorithm that detects these anomalies by integrating a sub-protocol algorithm with an embedded hyper-space signal, so it’ll give us an accurate prediction of where and when any more rifts pop up.” I nodded, trying to keep a politely interested look. 

“You know what caused them?” I prodded. 

Pidge nodded, adjusting her glasses. “This portal is the door that you came through, and this one is the very first one you saw, right? Well none of these opened until Lotor- our Lotor, anyway- started bouncing between the quintecence field and back in our big fight. I’m thinking that’s what triggered all these rifts. But since this is space-time we’re talking about, place and time don’t necessarily mean the same thing. What I’m guessing- and by guessing I mean totally sure- happened is that you found the first rift and have been jumping through holes Lotor punched ever since,” Pidge sat back with a satisfied air. I folded my arm across my middle, propped an elbow, and rested my chin in my hand.   
Looking over Pidge’s data, it all looked solid. The timing lined up, places were the same…

“How can you predict the others?” Lotor asked, pointing his finger to the three black dots in the mass of blue ones, “If this reality’s Lotor has been stopped and is no longer bouncing?” I tapped my cheek, mind whirling.

“If he did it enough, the rifts could have weakened reality barriers enough that they’re just starting on their own. They’d have to be giving off a new frequency for me to not hear the one that led to this reality. Finding them will be harder now, even with Ryner’s guide,” I tipped my head to the side, thinking.

“Ryner? You’ve met Ryner?” Pidge sat at attention at the name. I nodded absently, still looking over the holographic map of dots.

“She taught me a lot before she died, when I first stepped into the second reality. Olkarian was where I landed,” I said. Pidge deflated.

“Here, this one, where is it?” Lotor tapped a dot, voice going tight.

“Uh, oh, Diabaazal,” She answered. I stiffened. It existed in this reality?! “But don’t get excited, the planet was blown up at the start of Zarkon’s war.” Lotor’s hand formed a fist as he stood back. His face was impassive. I reached out to him, laying a hand over his. When he met my eyes, I didn’t smile or tell him it would be okay, I just squeezed his hand in solidarity. He could lean on me, I would bear that until he could find his footing again. Lotor took a deep breath and stepped away from us, getting some space to wrangle his emotions into check.

“You said you had questions?” I reminded the paladin. Pidge snapped her fingers.

“Oh yeah! You said you could hear the rifts? How does that work?” She adjusted her glasses, eyes never leaving mine. 

“I’ve always had good hearing, and the day the portal opened on Earth I heard the hum. Ever since I lost my sense of smell in the fourth reality, my ears and eyes have only gotten stronger, so they’ve been louder- like a car engine,” I explained. From the corner of my eye, I could see Lotor walking about the room expression slowly softening. I glanced over- then spotted something that took my breath away. Stunned, I walked closer. My goal was impeded by a desk, so I clambered up and pressed my face to the thick window.

Outside lay a vast nebula, caught mid-explosion. Swirls of purple, midnight blues, and lighting white curled into themselves like a clothe woven from dreams. Yellow stars, red dwarfs, and supernovas lit the expanse of darkness in a breathtaking array. I could even see the spinning maw of a black hole in the distance. I whipped around, gaping at Lotor. Wordlessly, I pointed to the glass, trying to convey my wonder. Lotor grinned and nodded. He saw it. 

I turned back to the view. I never got tired of seeing the beauties of space. It was so big that nothing repeated and new possibilities were spun into existence every second. This was why I fought so hard, kept going despite the pain of losing and leaving friends. Because I did it. I had reached the stars! I could dance with them, find new planets, see every galaxy. Every time I flew in a spaceship, every vessel I piloted, I saw them anew. They weren’t remote anymore. I had reached out and grasped a place for myself, here among the burning points of hope. I sighed, wonder-struck. 

“You know, we have a viewing deck,” Pidge said. I whipped around, beaming in excitement.

“Really?” At her nod I laughed giddily and leaped down from the table. Pidge led the way out, pressing a seemingly random button in the elevator. I rocked from my toes to my heels and back, jumpy with anticipation. Lotor leaned against the wall, crossing his arms and ankles. He loved space, but it held some painful memories. I just hoped this hadn’t become a bad day. Those days had a habit of going from bad to worse real fast. Finally the doors opened and I was met with a jaw-dropping view. 

A panoramic window afforded me an almost three-sixty view of the outside. Scattered about in a tastefully random way were soft chairs, low tables, and long couches. There was even a sunken couch or two near the sides of the room. A soft noise fell from my open mouth as I moved into the room. I trailed a hand over the soft fabrics, grin blooming. 

“I don’t know why we don’t come here, but it’s usually empty. And by usually, I mean always. I guess it’s because me and Hunk are busy in our computer room, Keith is always training, and Lance doesn’t like space that much,” Pidge spoke casually, like being next to Lotor was normal. 

“But you guys fight and operate in space! Why else would you come here? Or pilot the lions?” I asked incredulously. Unlike the rest of the castle, the viewing room had dark walls and minimal light. Small lamps around the room gave off a warm, low light.

Pidge shook her head. “Nah, we actually got to the castle because we found the blue lion on accident and had to lead a Galra fighter ship away from Earth. We’ve just been too busy with defending the universe to really consider going back.” 

“Huh,” That was disappointing. In the other reality I’d met them, those piloting the lions had been more like me. I turned back to the open view and stepped down into one of the sunken couches, pulling up my knees to wrap my arms around. Leaning my cheek against my knee, I sighed in contentment. This really was the best thing that had ever happened to me. Being able to explore space? Meet aliens? Befriend and fight alongside said aliens? To go to so many different realities? I grinned, heart thudding with excitement. I wouldn’t give this up or trade it for anything. Sure I missed my mother, but I knew that if I could tell her about everything I’d seen, how I’d never felt so happy or fulfilled, she’d want me to keep doing what I loved; exploring space.

Lotor’s footsteps were quiet as he came to sit next to me. He stretched his long legs out and crossed his ankles. His white hair seemed to glow in the dark of the room. I unwound, letting my legs rest next to his. 

“I hope this never gets old, even in the thousandth reality,” I whispered. Lotor’s smile was soft, even with his fangs peeking out. 

“For you, I don’t think it will,” He assured me. I sighed happily, leaning against his shoulder. He was still tense. I cast my mind out for something that would turn his mind away from Diabaazal’s fate.

“Remember that yellow sun orbiting Maas?” I asked suddenly. 

“It was where we had our first mission,” Lotor answered. 

“I have a confession to make,” My words made him go still.

“Oh?” His voice was dangerously light, making me momentarily question my plan. Then I took a deep breath and forged on. 

“Well, while you were looking for that pirate… I used the food money to buy a weapon,” I said. For a moment, all was quiet… Then Lotor threw his head back and bellowed a laugh.

“I knew it!” He crowed, “No Crivvin would sneak into a tavern window, even when they served Stalic Malt! You know this means you owe me dinner and spiced wine.” Lotor turned to me, triumphant grin dazzling in the dark. 

I pulled a pouting face. “What-no, chose one! Your taste is expensive!” I whined. Lotor just laughed again, unsympathetic.

“You shouldn’t have taken the money then!” Lotor cackled, mirth dancing in his eyes. “We went hungry for a knife. I’m entitled to both.” Internally, I grinned. Bad day averted. Externally, I growled and tugged on Lotor’s hair, ignoring the silken quality. 

“It wasn’t like we starved,” I muttered. Lotor returned the gesture, smiling. He knew I was giving in. I rolled my eyes and sighed. “Fine! Next time we find spiced wine and your favorite meal, I’ll buy it. But you were happy enough about my blade when Thix found us.” Lotor chuckled, nodding. 

“You certainly-”

“What is going on?” Instinctively, we both rolled off the couch and whirled to find the angry voice’s owner. Princess Allura. My defensive posture didn’t drop, though Lotor relaxed out of his crouch to sit on the floor. His face was a neutral blank. 

“We were stargazing,” I said. 

“Who said you could? Without supervision?” She asked sharply. I let out a growl.

“We are not toddlers in need of adult eyes. Shiro told us we have freedoms now. Pidge led us here. I assume she left us here, too.” I stood up and folded my arms, far passed unimpressed. Lady Na’hil was never so discourteous. Even with her people scattered and home in flames. At my feet, Lotor lifted a hand. I took a breath and tried to push away my irritation.

“I will speak to the paladins. As of now, you are to go nowhere without one of us with you. You will ask before leaving, coming, or thinking about anyplace in this castle. I don’t trust you, I don’t care how good an actor you both are,” Allura ordered. Outraged, I stepped forward- 

“That is fine. Thank you, Princess Allura,” Lotor stepped in front of me, filling my vision with his black shirt. I grit my teeth against my rage, knowing it would only make things worse. But it was so hard! Lotor was kind, strong, brave, and selfless! He didn’t deserve this! I heard the door open, then shut. Loror didn’t move, letting me simmer and calm down. I grabbed his arm and tugged him around sharply. 

“You’re just going to accept this?” I hissed up at him, “She’s distrustful because of what you are! She’s blatantly biased because of your race! Something you cannot help! I don’t care if she thinks you’re the Lotor she knows! You-!” Lotor placed his hands on my shoulders, ending my tirade. His eyes held a sad acceptance.

“They don’t understand the difference. I look like him, therefore, I am him. You and I have been to many different realities so we understand that it is not one and the same. They know only this reality, only his treachery. That doesn’t mean I don’t understand your rage,” He interrupted my gathering protest, “If this were about you, I would act just as you are. But, Solara, I have known worse than a few scathing words.” At that, my jaw clicked shut. He was right. I only knew a little about it, but I was aware that he’d been beaten, demonized, and degraded all his life. I looked down, clenching my fists tight. Tears gathered in my eyes. All that pain, all that grief and loneliness- and it only made him kind. Lotor stood waiting, knowing I wasn’t done. But, suddenly, I was tired. Tired of running, of being hated, of being dragged into wars that weren’t our own. I wanted peace. I wanted… I wanted home. 

I leaned forward, head pressing into his sternum. Lotor wrapped his arms around my shoulders, one hand rubbing between my shoulder blades, the other twisting itself into my hair. I gave a watery sigh and wrapped my arms around his middle. For a moment, nothing mattered. It was just us and we were together. Everything was fine- everything was how it should be. We were safe in the circle of the other’s arms. Home suddenly felt closer than before.

Then the door opened. I tensed, but didn’t move, not wanting to face the prejudice of the paladins. Based on how Lotor’s arms tightened around me, I knew he felt the same. 

“Alright, lovebirds, break it up. It’s dinner time and I don’t want to miss out,” Lance called. I sighed, sagging in defeat. We were just going to have to ride this reality out until we found a rift. Hopefully that would be soon. Anymore derogatory remarks and I was going postal on someone. Finally, I straightened and stepped away from Lotor. Immediately I missed his warmth and smell. Glancing up and around, I saw Lance; arms crossed and hip cocked, he was the picture of annoyed impatience. I took a deep breath and rolled my shoulders. We followed Lance out the door, standing closer than necessary for a better defence.


	5. Seperation, dreams, and changes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have edited this chapter superficially, but no content was changed. If you've already read it, you won't read anything different, if you haven't, don't worry about it!

We had separate bedrooms, right across the hall from each other. Under normal circumstances, this would be practical and not stress-inducing. But, of course, we were not in a normal circumstance. I looked from the door to Lotor, trying to keep a lid on my growing panic. They wanted us separated. Apart from each other and less of a threat. Divide and conquer. I wasn’t powerless alone by any standard, but I was more open. I needed Lotor to watch my back. 

“Don’t come out of your rooms for anything until one of us comes and gets you, understand?” Lance glared at the two of us. I took a breath and nodded. Showing weakness was a no-go. I glanced at Lotor and smiled. Holding up my fist, I winked. Lotor sighed and tapped his fist to mine, giving a soft smile, fangs peaking out at me. He saw through my facade. Before I could fall into my growing anxiety, I whirled and entered the room. It felt more like a coffin. 

It was small; the only furniture was a bed that sat inside the wall. The door slid closed behind me. I rapped out the code, swallowing harshly. The outline on the right wall turned out to be a closet. Most of the hangers were empty, but there were a few pairs of soft pants and oversized, flowing shirts. I let out a dragging sigh. I didn’t want to change. However, there was only so much these clothes could handle. I folded my army surplus clothes on the foot of the bed and turned down the covers. It was odd to feel something like silk on my skin instead of rough cotton. How quickly I’d forgotten small luxuries like this. Hot water, filling food, a real bed, and soft night clothes. A year fighting someone else’s war, and longer since abandoning my Earth. I stepped away from the bed and stood in the middle of the room. For a while, that was all I did; trying to conquer my fears.

I could do this. I’d done it before. Back on Rivvik-five, Lotor and I had been separated for three days. I hadn’t known if he’d been alive at the time, or if he was hurt, but I had survived. Of course, that was one of the main reasons we didn’t let the other out of our sights anymore- but the point was that I could do this. I could sleep here. Alone. In, for all intents and purposes, an enemy ship. I growled and shook the thoughts away. Forcing myself to sit, then lay down in the bed, I squeezed my eyes shut. I laid there for a long time before sleep found me…

_The field had been turned into a war zone. I ducked under a sword and turned, cutting into the exposed back. I ran, slicing through the enemy’s ranks. I was a blur, just a flash of reflected light, leaving a wake of bodies. The blood under my feet didn’t matter. The ash in the air didn’t matter. The plethora of cuts and nicks and wounds scattered over my skin didn’t matter. Just the fight. Just the thrill of a successful maneuver. Just the pride of another felled enemy._

__

_A smile stretched over my face. I was better than these pathetic excuses of soldiers. Was there no one to give me a decent challenge? A real fight? A sick sense of fulfillment blazed through me. This was simple. Just a swing of my sword. Just the flick of my wrist. Just the turn of my body. No one could touch me. No one could stop me. I was above them. Alone. Blessedly alone! If this never ended, I would be so happy-!_

I shrieked, fighting the bonds around me. They held me tight, keeping me from running. Fear surged through my limbs. I was helpless. Alone! Yells of pain and fear rang in my ears. I screamed again. I tore at the ropes around my arms, my legs, my torso. Free me! Headless bodies surrounded me. Bloodied arms reached for me. Twisted faces leered at me. Gunfire started, hammering my head with the noise. Sobs tore at my throat. Pleas for mercy filled the air, cut short abruptly. My foot found a wall. I shoved against it, sending my body tipping- I hit the ground. The bonds tightened. I cried out again. Save me! They’d found me. They weren’t going to let me go- please! End this! Kill m-

“Solara! Look at me!” I thrashed at the new threat. It hovered over me, trapping me under it’s weight. My arms became still, a band of steel keeping them trapped to my stomach. Something warm gripped my jaw, firm- and gentle? I blinked away the tears, finally focusing on Lotor’s face. I dragged in a breath, then another, trying to understand the picture in front of me. 

“They’re here! I have- have to fight-! Lotor-!” I choked, throat tight with emotion. I saw pain swimming in Lotor’s eyes, then I was pressed into the crook of his shoulder. I sobbed, shaking too hard to move. Lotor wrapped me into a secure embrace, carding a hand through my hair.

“It’s alright. It’s alright now, I’m here. Be still, love. I will not leave you,” He whispered. My ragged breathing stuttered around my weeping, but slowly my senses finally registered where I was. There was hard marble under me, not blood-soaked wheat fields. The air was still and clear, not full of ash and screams. My hands were empty of both sword and souls. Lotor’s scent chased away the images burning across my vision, his cool touch seeping into my fevered skin.

“I did it again. I slipped. I’m sorry,” I whispered brokenly. Lotor shook his head. 

“You are not at fault. You are not to blame,” He assured me softly, mouth close to my ear. I pulled away as much as I could and looked at his pained expression.

“You don’t understand. I was at Mystinn again. I decimated them and I-” My voice broke, more tears coursing down my face, “I only felt joy. Happiness at being better than them. Killing them was fun.” Lotor brushed his thumb over the wetness on my cheeks. He leaned his forehead against my own. 

“If that were true, you would not be reacting this way. Yes, you may have felt that way during the heat of battle, but, Solara, think; if you really had joy about ending those soldiers, you would not have nightmares. You would not be horrified about it afterwards,” Lotor said. 

“Then why do I feel that at all?” I asked thickly. Lotor’s mouth worked, but he stayed silent. I bowed my head, shoulders hunching under the weight of everything I’d done. 

“What is going on?” Shiro’s soft voice made me flinch. But I was so weary. So tired of carrying this burden. I just wanted rest. I wanted…

“Solara is going to stay with me from now on,” Lotor announced. His tone brooked no arguments. Limp with grief, I didn’t bother to fight Lotor as he scooped me up bridle-style and pushed past a stunned Shiro and into his own room. I flinched at the sudden feeling of a soft mattress under me. Blankly, I watched as Lotor covered me with the blanket and settled on the floor next to the bed, linking his hand with mine. “You are not alone. I am here.” I couldn’t muster the strength to speak or even squeeze his hand. I just breathed in and blinked, sending more tears sliding down my cheeks. Lotor reached out and wiped them away, his skin a balm to my raw nerves. I took a deep breath and pushed through my lethargy.

“You don’t deserve this,” I said roughly, “I wish I was as whole as you need. I’m sorry I-” Lotor pressed his fingers to my mouth, features hardening with anger.

“If I don’t deserve it, then neither do you, Sol. I do not need you whole, I merely need you. I would have you at my side- as you are. I need you, that is all. You do not need to be healed for me to want you, you only need to be Solara; the fighter, the guard, the guide, the friend I never thought I’d have,” Lotor’s words were soft, but they pierced me deeply, riveting me in place. My mind was suddenly here, not on a distant battle field realities away. Shakily, I lifted myself with an elbow and with my free hand, I pulled Lotor’s head closer. I pressed my face to the side of his. He leaned into me, breathing in tandem. 

“There is no way you are this kind,” I tried for a light tone, but my voice wobbled. Lotor laughed softly.

“Just like there is no way you are so strong,” He returned. It was an old argument. More of an inside joke by now, but familiar enough territory to be comforting. I sighed, feeling my body relaxing and giving into the demand for sleep. Slowly, I dropped away from consciousness.


	6. Rest, olive branches, and food

I woke slowly. I felt like a fuzzed mess, relaxed in a new and completely boneless way. I made a sleepy noise, cracking open my eyes. Blinking to bring the world into focus, I realized the blur wasn’t my eyes, but rather a purple torso. A well muscled torso, covered in scars and scratches. I dragged in a breath- Lotor’s scent filled my nose. Safety wrapped around me like a cloud, filling me with soft warmth. He smelled like home; deep spices, sharp herbs, and something thickly enticing. I shifted, burrowing deeper into the cocoon of blanket I’d made sometime in the night and closer to Lotor. Then I realized the weight over me was Lotor’s arm hung around my waist. Looking up and around, I realized that he’d placed me between him and the wall- leaving his back open to attack. 

The thought made me feel weird and warm all at once. Usually, if we slept together, it was back-to-back with hands on our weapons. But for some reason he’d abandoned our usual method in favor of curling around me in a comfortingly protective way. As my mind cleared the cobwebs away, I remembered something had happened last night- I’d had a dream? No, a nightmare. Then…then I remembered being tucked into Lotor’s bed…

I sighed and let the memories go, far too relaxed to really want to think. Instead I studied Lotor. His head was pillowed under his free arm, face free of the usual stress. He hid it well under a mask of calm, but there were tells. The way his lips pressed together, how the skin around his eyes tightened, his stance shift when people watched for too long. Secrets were his shield and wall against a world that believed him to be a mistake. I traced the feint outlines of his Altean lineage on his cheeks with my eyes, moving to his ears, and then his eyes. His eyelashes, the same silver as his mane of hair, fluttered and lifted. 

“Good morning,” I greeted quietly. His indigo irises were unfocused with sleep, but he locked onto my face well enough.

“Good morning,” He sighed, blinking slowly. As much as we were used to waking early and quickly, neither of us were morning people. I smiled at him, content to stay inside this bubble. Then the door opened and Allura stomped in. I lifted myself onto an elbow and glared at her over Lotor. Lotor just looked over his shoulder. 

“What do you think you’re doing?” She demanded loudly. 

“Well, before you so rudely interrupted, sleeping,” I snarked. She opened her mouth, then seemed to actually take in the scene before her. Her face exploded into a red that I’d never seen on a person and she whipped around with a small scream. “Why are you in the same bed!” Her voice was several octaves higher than before. I smirked evilly. Lotor was still too asleep to do anything more than watch. I leaned forward, draping myself over Lotor’s torso.

“What’s the matter princess, never seen people share a bed before? Are you really so sheltered?” I goaded her, grinning evilly when she whirled around angrily. 

“How dare-!” She saw my position and squealed, all but running from the room. I cackled, all too pleased with myself. Lotor rolled to his back, frowning in confusion. Now I was laying across Lotor’s chest. 

“Was that Allura?” He asked. I nodded, Cheshire grin still on my face. Lotor hummed, then closed his eyes. I glanced down and watched as he started to drift off again. As much as I wanted him to sleep for a while longer, I knew Allura would send someone in to fetch us eventually and I didn’t want anyone to catch Lotor vulnerable again. So I patted his cheek gently.

“Hey, hey wake up. You can’t go back to sleep again,” I said, giving him a very different smile than the one I’d given Allura. In response, Lotor groaned and tightened his grip on my middle.

“Just a little longer. I haven’t felt this good in a long time,” He mumbled. I laughed softly. Tracing his cheek markings with a finger, I hummed.

“If we don’t get up, someone’s going to come looking for us,” I told him. The only reaction was his cheek twitching under my finger.

“Stop waking me up,” He groused, looking at me through slitted eyes. They were clearer now, closer to the Lotor I knew. This one wasn’t unfamiliar to me, I just knew the conscious side of him better.

“Stop going back to sleep,” I countered. He sighed heavily and opened his eyes fully. His free hand started playing with my hair, twisting the short strands around his fingers. 

“What are you two doing?” Keith snarled. I hadn’t even heard it open, but there he stood in the doorway. “Get up and get ready, we’re going to train and since you’re here, you’re going to join us.” I gave the boy an annoyed glare, noting that he was dressed in red paladin armor. How early did these people wake up? He folded his arms and gave me a dark look. Growling, I tugged away from Lotor’s arms and crawled over him. I stood in front of Keith, arms out in a challenge.

“Well? Let’s go,” I heard Lotor get up and from the rustling of cloth, he’d put on a shirt. Keith eyed me up and down.

“You’re going like that? No shoes or anything?” Disdain dripped form his voice, but I ignored it.

“You were the one who wanted us up. We’re up,” I put my hands on my hips, making sure my shoulders were level and my back was straight. Keith sighed and rolled his eyes.

“Whatever, let’s just go. I don’t care,” He led the way to a training room where the rest of the inhabitants were gathered. At the many questioning glances, Keith just shrugged and took his place beside Shiro. It was a circular room, overseen by a viewing station a floor above. The paladins and princess were standing in a crescent around us. I felt like I was facing a firing squad. My feet were already cold, but I just folded my arms.

“What’s this about training?” I asked. Shiro cleared his throat and stepped forward, helmet tucked under an arm. 

“Since we’re stuck with each other for the foreseeable future, we’re gonna have to learn to play nice. That means being able to trust one another to watch our backs. Everyone here needs to be able to fight without looking over their shoulder. I know it’s not ideal. We all feel the pain of Lotor’s betrayal. But, as far as I can tell, this isn’t the Lotor we know. He acts, talks, and moves completely different. And this training is going to prove that without a doubt. All of us know how Lotor fought. Let’s find out how this one fights,” Shiro concluded his speech by settling his helmet over his head. I stared at the man, completely taken aback. Did he just say they were going to trust us? Beside me, Lotor shifted his weight. Without looking, I could tell he was feeling the same awed confusion. But then I looked at the other’s faces. Keith, Lance, and Allura still held dark anger. Pidge alone seemed okay with this. Hunk was looking between Lotor and me to the three fuming paladins. 

“Well, fine with me,” I shrugged, breaking the thickening silence, “How’s this gonna work?” Shiro offered me a small smile. Then he turned to the viewing room above.

“Coran! Start training sequence one!” He called. Ah, so that’s where the pira- princess’s aide was. The room filled with a hum and then a drone dropped from the ceiling. “For now, it’ll be just you and Lotor, Solara.” He said. I kept my scathing remark behind my teeth, but just barely. Another test. Trust. Right. Lotor slid into his ready stance, giving me a sideways look. Grumbling, I dropped my arms. The paladins all filed into a door on the opposite side of the room, presumably so they could watch us fight from above. 

I took a deep breath, gathering myself. This was no time to be thinking about them and how they saw us. They didn’t matter. Just this. Only this. 

The signal chimed. I opened my eyes and leaped forward. 

In a second, I analyzed the drone. Lotor’s height. Thinner, though, so less power behind it’s attacks. One broadsword, double-handed grip. No defence. Good. I snapped back into the fight in time to duck under the blade’s sweeping pass. Rolling forward, I kicked out- knocking the drone to a knee. Lotor attacked from the front; hammering it with closed fisted blows. I rolled away from the drones backward stumbling. On my feet I ran full tilt at it, leaping and landing a solid double-heeled kick to it’s side. 

A mechanic squeal sounded, then the drone fell limply to the ground. I scrambled to my feet, dusting my butt off. I still had yet to perfect the landing. Lotor grinned at me, sharp teeth on full display. I smiled back, enjoying the thrill of a good fight. 

“Okay, we’re gonna up the settings now,” Shiro’s voice burst from hidden speakers. I gave the viewing room a thumbs up. The floor under the drone opened, swallowing the machine before closing again. I shared a surprised glance with Lotor, then turned to the newly dropped drone. This one held a one-handed blade. 

I backed off, looking it over while Lotor kept it’s attention. They circled each other slowly. This drone still held no shield, but it’s attacks would be faster. The sword was a one-handed blade, lighter and shorter. Made for speed and long lasting barrage attacks. My hand hovered over my hip, contemplating if I needed…but no, we could feel out it’s strength before it came to that. 

“Ready,” I called. Lotor launched himself at the bot, kicking and punching rapid-fire. The drone danced backwards, blocking a few hits with the flat of it’s sword. I raced forward, jumping and slamming my knees into the machine’s chest. It stumbled back- Lotor was over me and slicing at it’s neck with his claws. I followed up with arching kicks to it’s legs, spinning and twisting around to keep my momentum. Slowly, we pushed the drone backwards, keeping it too busy defending to try and attack. 

The wall got closer, closer- the drone shoved against Lotor’s pommel hold and swung, forcing us back. Then it jumped over us, flipping to land facing us. Running, it began it’s attack. We split, diving in different directions. Forced to choose a target, the drone came after me. Weaker, shorter, smaller a threat than Lotor. I turned tail and ran, ducking and dodging it’s swings. Jumping into a roll, I pushed a hand to the ground, shifting my direction. A second later, I felt the wind of the drone’s sword. 

Lotor dropped his full weight onto the drone from behind, crushing it’s chest and ending the fight. I looked over my shoulder at him from my kneeling position.

“Why is it,” I panted, “That I’m always the rabbit?” Lotor sniggered breathlessly.

“Because I’m a much better wolf,” He bared his teeth, showing every pointed bone. I huffed a laugh, eyeing how his teeth fit together like a sieve. I giggled and stood.

“Are you ready for level three?” Again, Shiro’s voice filled the room. I nodded. Lotor flashed a winning smile. The ready chime sounded and another dropped. This one ran at us, not giving us a moment. I moved instantly, weaving away from the pointed blade. Lotor leaped for it’s side- only to be forced back by a second sword. 

Dual-wielding? I grunted and jerked into a controlled backward fall. Rolling into a handspring, I tried to distance myself- but it was faster. Pain seared my cheek. I sucked in a surprised breath- jumping over a swing- another lance of pain on my thigh. I grit my teeth. Lotor grabbed the drone in a headlock, rearing back and away. I didn’t waste a moment. Launching a round-house kick, I struck it’s middle. 

Lotor roared in pain. The drone lifted it’s sword for another hit, but I grabbed an arm and swung around as hard as I could. The bot flew into a wall, stunned for a moment. I stood in front of Lotor, eyes on the drone.

“Status,” I demanded. 

“This one is faster and smarter. It sliced my back. Not badly, but I am ashamed to admit I was overconfident,” I could hear Lotor’s rueful smile, so I knew it wasn’t a bad cut. We couldn’t afford lies in the middle of a fight. I sighed in disappointment. This called for-

“Alright, that’s enough for now,” Shiro’s voice made me jump, “There’s no sense in getting hurt anymore.” The floor swallowed the third drone. I sagged in relief, then turned to Lotor. He knelt on the ground, a hand over his left shoulder. Walking around him, I took in the damage. A thin cut from his shoulder to just below his shoulder-blade. Long but shallow. 

“You’ll live,” I announced. He stood and rolled his shoulders, stretching his neck as well. The blood was already clotting, but the shirt was ruined. At the sound of a door opening, I turned to see the paladins filing into the room.

“That was great, but for now we’ll break and let you eat,” Shiro said with a smile. I returned it tentatively. Coran gave me a squinted look, but I couldn’t tell if it was suspicion or anger. We followed Shiro out of the training room and down the hall. I could feel my cuts bleeding, but I merely wiped my cheek clear and pressed a hand to my thigh, trusting the fabric to soak up the blood and help with clotting. I had a spring in my step, the world brighter from the adrenalin crackling in my blood. When we reached the dinning room, Hunk hurried to a door to the right. Lance followed him.

“Hunk? Buddy? Whacha doin’?” He sounded worried. Ignoring them, I took a seat. The chairs were comfortable, swiveling around with the push of my foot. Lotor sat next to me, brushing his hair over his shoulder. Folding my legs into a pretzel, I grabbed a strand and started braiding. The rest of the paladins sat, with Allura at the head and Shiro at the foot. Coran headed into what I assumed was the kitchen. This forced calm was wearing on me. I wanted to be up and against a wall, my back covered and ready to leap for an exit. But Shiro had extended an olive branch. It wasn’t going to be me who set it aflame. So I tried to show an unconcerned face, though Lotor saw right through it based on how his eyes never left my features. Allura cleared her throat pointedly.

“Where did you learn to fight? Bare-handed at that?” She asked. It would have been an innocent question if not for her arched tone. I pressed my lips together and tilted my head, thinking. She had probably meant for Lotor to answer, but since she didn’t specify, I took the question.

“Well, some of it I knew from self-defence classes, but the rest was taught to me by a lot of people. Rit, Cal, Fini, Rizzan. Then I had to learn from my bruises and near misses in the wars,” I heard a few choked responses, but I kept my eyes on the braid in my hand. “Before I met Lotor I had managed to either evade or run enough to not really worry. But on Daibaazal, I couldn’t fight well enough to keep free of conflict. Lotor saved me from a lot of trouble.” I smiled up at Lotor. He gave me a crooked grin, teeth glinting.

“What do you mean ‘wars’?,” Keith asked, leaning forward. I made a face but continued.

“Of the sev- eight realities I’ve been to, I have been pulled into five wars. Civil, planet-wide, even as big as a solar system. It was to keep alive mostly, to ensure I could move around enough to find other portals, but…” I stopped before my voice could break. War was war. There were no victors. Just survivors. Everyone was touched by it’s hand, everyone felt the decaying fingers, the wrath of revenge, the pain of loss. Winners and losers ceased to exist. It ended with those that lived and those that died. And the scars didn’t heal. Maybe, if you were lucky, they faded with time. But I wasn’t one of those people. I could see every face, remember every scream, feel every swing like it was happening in front of me. 

Lotor’s hand clasped mine, drawing me out of my thoughts.

“None escape without their marks,” He finished. I sighed softly.

“Yeah,” I whispered. His face was full of something soft and forgiving. He’d never judged or blamed me.

“How long have you two known each other?” Shiro asked. 

“I think… about five years,” I answered, adding the math in my head quickly. Lotor nodded his agreement.

“Lance, they’re a part of the team now, for better or worse. And if we’re gonna fight together we’re gonna eat together,” Hunk walked out, holding two plates of steaming food. Lotor perked up at once, nose twitching. I felt my stomach pull in anticipation, but the smell was too far away to take in. Behind the big teen, lance sulked and glared at me. To my surprise, Hunk placed the two plates before Lotor and me. I looked up at him, eyebrows raised.

“Thank you,” I said. Hunk chuckled and placed his hands on his hips.

“You’re welcome! What you have there is some Veteclaron stake with tubers and veggies. I added a light glaze and some meat sauce, but really the topper is the mint sprig there,” Hunks words tuned themselves out. Lotor was stiff beside me, frozen in his excitement. Before he could form a protest, I kicked his leg discreetly. They had just started to warm to us. There was no way we were going to jeopardize this because I would be uncomfortable later. Lotor gave me a pleading look. I ignored him and smiled up at Hunk, nodding along like I could hear what he was saying. My heart thundered in my ears, panic making my hands shake. I could do this. I was going to be fine. 

The first bite melted in my mouth. Flavors burst along my tongue, changing from one to the other. My eyebrows hit my hairline, eyes widening. What was this! Not food, surely! Another bite sent awe flowing through me. I put a hand to my mouth, trying to understand the sheer amount of deliciousness I was feeling. I stared at Hunk in amazement. His cheeks heated, but a proud smile stretched across his face.

“What…what is this?” Lotor managed. I was too busy keeping my mouth full of the divinity on my plate and giving Hunk awe-struck looks to bother trying to speak. 

“It’s good, right? Hunk is our resident chief,” Pidge laughed. I speared a tuber and ate it, almost choking on the good taste. If this was food, I was never going to be satisfied with any other cooking again. My plate was cleared in moments. For a second, I almost wanted more. Then I remembered why I had been so scared. I was going to pay for this moment of good food, but maybe it would be worth it this time. I pressed my lips together. It was never worth it. 

Hunk and Pidge filled the air with talk of algorithms and possible theories about the portals, with Shiro asking questions every so often. It occurred to me that they were strategizing, but I was too consumed with the growing pain in my stomach to pay attention. I tried to keep my breathing steady and face clear of everything, but Lotor’s eyes were riveted on my face. Finally, after a debilitating twist of pain, I stood. 

“Forgive me, but it seems I am more tired than I thought. Would it be alright if I retired?” I asked softly. I kept my eyes on Shiro, who was nodding, but I couldn’t hear anything over the ringing in my ears. Lotor stood and wrapped an arm around my shoulder, pulling me to his side. I leaned against him gratefully, forcing my feet to keep a straight path. The walk to our room was too long. Sweat beaded my brow, and my breath became ragged. 

Almost there. A little farther. Almost there. The chant looped around my head. Everything in me was focused on the pain that had spread from my stomach to my chest and limbs. Another step. One more. Last one. A little more. One- my knee gave out, sending me crashing to the floor. My face was saved by Lotor’s arm across my chest. I hacked out a cough. Words floated by my ears, but everything was fuzzed. 

“’M fine,” I rasped, “Jus’ need sleep.” I managed to look up at Shiro. His face was twisted into real concern. The thought sent a laugh tumbling around my chest. Actual concern. For me! I coughed again, gritting my teeth against another wave of pain. “Said ‘m fine.” I growled. I didn’t need to hear Lotor to know he had been about to explain. I knew him inside and out by now. Then I left the floor and felt myself being cradled in a pair of strong, muscled arms. 

My bleary eyes found Lotor’s. He was saying something to me, ‘Rest now. Try not to move.’ based on his mouth. Something pained slithered from my lips before I could stop it. Lotor pulled his scared face; tight eyes, thinned lips, brows pulled together. I wanted to do something about it, erase it somehow, but before I could try I was falling into the dark.


	7. Revelations, sleep, and prayers

Third POV

Solara fell unconscious. Shiro looked very concerned, but Lotor ignored him. Pushing past and making his way to their room, Lotor held Solara tight. Why did it have to be Veteclaron? Of all the things they could serve her, it had to be the thing she was adverse to. And for his sake she ate it without complaint. Because it was a step forward in accepting him. Him. Lotor couldn’t keep the snarl off his face. Solara didn’t put up with anything- except when it came to him. If it helped him, she did any- and everything. 

“You idiot,” Lotor whispered fondly. He squeezed her closer, pressing his cheek to her forehead. Shiro jogged ahead to open the door. Lotor gave him a nod in thanks, but ignored his presence. Gently depositing Solara onto the bed, Lotor crossed the room and opened the closet, grabbing the spare night shirt from its hanger. Shiro stood in the doorway uncertainly. 

“What’s going on?” He demanded. Lotor bit back a growl. Of all the times for questions, now was not the time!

“She is adverse to Veteclaron meat. It causes her pain and fatigue,” Lotor answered shortly. He heard Shiro move closer, noting the paladin kept a distance from Solara. 

“Why didn’t she say anything?” He asked. Lotor gave him a hard look.

“And risk the backlash that would inevitably come from her complaint? Hunk and Pidge are closer to warming to us than the others and Solara will not risk that- even if it caused her pain. She wants you to see me in a better light. Eating whatever is given to her is one way of doing that.” Lotor brushed a strand of damp hair from Solara’s brow. Truly, she knew no bounds. How could one put her health so far below his own? Even this far down the road she still baffled him with her actions. Kneeling next to the bed, Lotor pressed his fingers to her neck, then checked her temperature along her flushed cheeks.

“She wants you to be accepted that badly?” Shiro sounded awed. Lotor looked up at the leader.

“What would you do for someone close to you?” He asked softly. Shiro looked down, avoiding Lotor’s eyes. “Now please leave so I can get her out of these clothes.” Shiro started.

“Whoa, we can have Allura do that!” He protested.

“Do you truly think your princess would help Solara? Or that I would allow her to be away from my eyes?” Lotor pinned Shiro with a predatory look, making sure his voice stayed level. He didn’t want to reveal just how shaken he was over this. Any weakness was a target and Lotor would not give anyone a foothold against him- even more so when it was Solara that would be said foothold. Shiro’s mouth clicked shut. He tried to form an argument… then slumped in defeat.

“Fine, but someone will be outside the door if you need something,” Shiro sighed. Lotor nodded sharply, turning his attention back to his only friend. He heard the door open and shut, then the lock clicked in place. Lotor gently tugged the sweat-soaked shirt free, then replaced it. Next he took her pants and bundled the dirty clothes and tossed them next to the door. Lotor knew Solara had a habit of going pantless when she was ill and he wanted to ensure she would be as comfortable as possible. His actions were going to have consequences. Mostly in the form of questions, but also the fact that he’d revealed just how big of a hold Solara had over him, regardless of how well he’d kept his thoughts and feelings hidden. His friend would not be happy when she woke. The word didn’t seem to encompass all that she was to him, though.

But what was she if not a friend? His first and only one? Lotor tucked the blanket over Solara’s limp body, contemplating what he could say to explain what she was to him exactly. She was a wall, a barrier between him and a hateful world. She was a gateway to peace and happiness. Something new and bright in his previously dark world. There was no one word to describe all that Solara was to him. Settling in for a long wait, Lotor crossed his arms and buried his chin in them, watching Solara’s fevered face closely.   
They’d known one another for five years. They’d been in battle together; seen bloodshed, hate, torture, and loss together. They’d also seen life together. He’d laughed for the first time with her, smiled more than he could remember because of her. For the first time he’d felt hope for the future- he’d looked forward to it. Life wasn’t pain and grief and isolation. It was heady and exciting and worth living. 

Reaching out, Lotor gripped Solara’s hand, intertwining their fingers together. She’d done this once before, but only a few bites. And that had given her a fever, vomiting, and incredible pain. How much worse would this be? Lotor sighed, wishing he could help. Solara had explained how allergies worked once and it didn’t make him feel better. There was nothing to cure, nothing to treat. How did you fight one’s own body? How did you cure one’s own system of health? Lotor didn’t know how long he sat next to the bed, staring at Solara’s fevered face and hearing her breath raggedly, but gradually, he became aware of a knocking at the door. 

“Yes?” He called. Lotor wouldn’t leave Solara unless it benefited her. The door opened to admit Hunk, looking stressed and run-down. 

“I-I didn’t realize she was allergic. If I had known I would have made her something else,” He started, pushing two fingers together. Then he took a deep breath and squared his shoulders. “But I’ll do what I can to help. I’m going to get a cold compress and make some light broth. Also, if you could make me a list of anything else Solara is allergic to, that’d be great.” Lotor raised his eyebrows, more than a little surprised. But, then, Shiro didn’t seem to be the type to keep these kinds of secrets. 

“Of course. You’re help will be greatly appreciated. Solara would not want to cause a fuss, but this isn’t something I want her to go through,” Lotor smiled. The big teen relaxed and grinned. He turned and rushed off, the door closing automatically. Lotor turned back to Solara’s still form. “It seems your plan worked, Sol. Though I hope this was worth the small amount of welcome I’m getting.” He spoke softly, though he doubted that a crashing meteor would wake her. And that alone was a worry, since she was a light sleeper during stressful times. Sleeping deeply was reserved for when she was completely at ease and relaxed. The door opened again, though it wasn’t Hunk with a compress. Instead it was the small paladin. Pidge. 

She stepped into the room, walking up next to him and plopping onto the bed. Confusion swirled around Lotor’s head, but he ignored it. 

“She must really like you to go through something like this. I’ll admit, I’d do a lot to make people trust my friends, but in the end it doesn’t really matter because we have each other and that’s all that matters. Of course, we have a whole castle and lions and we are paladins of Voltron the guardian of the universe, so there aren’t a lot of people we need to convince to like us,” Pidge adjusted her glasses, looking solemn, “All of this is to say… I’m willing to try and trust you. Don’t get me wrong, I’ll probably always be wary around you, but I can recognize the fact that you aren’t the Lotor we knew. That Lotor probably wouldn’t be so touchy with another person. He was always slightly aloof, even when we’d accepted him. Around Allura he was a little more level, but never so devoted. Actually, it reminds me of my parents, seeing how much you two love each other.” Pidge smiled, focusing on her hands in her lap, ignorant of how her words made Lotor’s insides seize. 

He’d given the paladin’s the leverage they needed to twist anything they wanted from him. Pidge left after another nod, but Lotor just stared at Solara. He was putting her life in their hands. Perhaps it was time, though, for them to start trusting others as they trusted themselves. Lotor sighed and held Solara’s hand, pressing it to his forehead, whispering the healing prayers he’d learned at his mother’s knee.


	8. A truth, a promise, and a keeping

I woke up trying to scratch an itch. My hand was heavy with sleep, unable to do much more than shift lazily. 

“Solara,” Lotor’s voice brushed my ears. Lifting my eyelids was a task. Finally, I zeroed in on Lotor’s face, noting his relieved look. 

“Wha’? Wha’swrong?” I slurred out. Lotor shook his head, soft smile playing around his mouth. 

“Nothing,” He assured me. I squinted, trying to will the blurriness away. I reached out and brushed my fingers along his cheek. He looked tired. 

“Liar,” I croaked, a little more awake. Lotor grabbed something at his feet, holding it out to me. It was a water bottle. He helped me sit up, letting me drink enough to wet my throat. “How long was I out?” Lotor set the bottle on the ground before answering. I settled against the wall and stared at him, as if I could force the answer out of him with my eyes. 

“A while. You’re fever has broken, though I assume you’ll be nauseous still,” Lotor finally said. I clicked my tongue and tilted my head one way then the other, waking up fully. 

“Actually, I feel okay stomach-wise. I’m sore and tired, but that’s all. For such a large amount, I would assume I’d have died,” I stretched my arms and groaned in satisfaction when I felt my joints pop. Always able to read me, Lotor pulled the cover back and helped me stand, hand in mine. 

“Hunk has food ready for you. He’s been told what you cannot eat, so you don’t have to martyr yourself anymore,” He said. I laughed. That was a relief. My body hated me enough right now. Putting on pants was a task taken by Lotor via a well placed glare. Residual stomach cramps worked themselves out as we walked to the dinning room. Once I was seated, Lotor fetched a bowl of warm broth. Because Hunk made it, it was heaven on my tongue. I hummed happily, letting Lotor drag his fingers though my hair. This was a new level of nice. Maybe this reality wasn’t as bad as I first thought.

“What happened?”I asked around a mouthful of soup. Lotor sighed, hand stilling in my hair. 

“First you had a fever. Then you were sick three times,” He nodded at my wince, “You were in and out of consciousness, though never fully with me. Then your heart stopped.” My hand froze halfway to my mouth. That was new. I’d had close calls, but never heart-stopping ones. I glanced at Lotor, taking in his far-away look. His mouth was tight. The only indicator that he felt scared. “I preformed chest compressions. And when it started again, we put you into a healing pod. Solara…” Lotor blinked and suddenly looked at me. His eyes flitted over my face, taking in everything before locking onto mine. 

“What?” I prompted. Lotor opened his mouth and closed it. He pressed his lips together and sighed, looking like he was fighting with himself. I reached up and grabbed his hand from where it had stilled on my head, squeezing gently. Lotor finally sighed and dropped his forehead to mine.

“Solara, you scared me. I thought I was going to loose you. Please,” He screwed his eyes shut, voice dropping to a whisper, “Please don’t scare me like that again.” I laughed softly and cupped his cheek, thumb brushing back and forth over his Altean markings. 

“I’m sorry. I can’t promise I won’t die, but I promise I won’t die for them. I won’t die for another’s cause.” My assurance didn’t sooth away all his pain, but when he opened his eyes, Lotor looked more at peace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's super short, sorry about that, but here we are!


	9. Training, betrayal, and tears

Two months into the eighth reality found me bolting up and out of bed, gasping quietly. My hands shook, my arms trembling like live wire. This was the third night in a row I’d woken up from a nightmare like this and it was beginning to take it’s toll. I sucked in a deep breath, holding it for eight seconds, then let it out slowly, counting out seven slow seconds. Twice more I did this. Looking around the room, I didn’t see Lotor, but as of late he’d taken to studying the star-charts offered by the castle library. Learning all of them meant keeping odd hours. 

I pressed a hand to my forehead, steadying my thoughts. Dreams couldn’t hurt me. I was fine. But a small doubt was starting to grow. I’d never had dreams this bad. Even in the fifth reality I hadn’t been plagued like this. I shook my head, turning and leaving my room. I needed to move. I needed to work and dispel the lingering images. Barefoot and in my sleep things, I made my way to the training room.   
This time of night, it was empty, though it lit up as I walked into the room. 

“Training sequence start: level two,” I called. As the drone dropped from the ceiling, I pressed my palm to my hip. Flexing, I brought out the barb that lived just under my skin. I didn’t wince as it cut through my leg, nor did I mourn the tear it created in my pants. I just jerked my hand down, slicing open my palm. “Mitim, La’han.” I ordered, swinging my hand around. As it sprang free, my blood shifted and formed my sword; a wickedly curved scimitar. 

The machine started toward me and I fell into the fight. Block, jab, avoid, slice, parry, cut. I whirled and twisted around the drone, dancing past it’s defence and cutting into it’s legs, arms, chest. As it fell, another took it’s place. I clashed once, twice, and locked our blades together. I held it still for a moment, then it started to push me back. Gritting my teeth, I shoved up and away- diving close to impale the bot. I whirled and cut down the third. 

My mind let go of all thought. All that existed was this moment, then the next. This movement, then the counter. My body took over, moving instinctively as I fought. Weaving around the enemy blade, pushing it away, and getting under the defense to make the killing blow. I lost myself to the simplicity of the battle haze. The only thing that mattered was the space between my blade and the opponents body. The dance of swords and music of blows exchanged. Pain ceased to exist. Weariness ceased to exist. Only this fight. Only this victory. 

The fifth drone fell. I swung my sword around, keeping my wrist loose. Turning, my eyes scanned the room for another. My balance stayed on my toes, ankles and knees ready to move. Slowly, I became aware that there was no enemy, no one to face, none to fight. Confused, I lowered my sword. Panting I wiped the sweat from my face with the collar of my night shirt. Five. Not bad. At least I wasn’t loosing my edge. My best was next to Lotor, but on the battle field it was inevitable that we would be separated. Knowing how to guard my own back had kept me from death more than once. 

“Where did you get that?” Keith asked. Looking over my shoulder I flipped my blade around to hold it tip towards my elbow.

“It’s my Contract. Weird, right? That in this day and age I’d get a sword when the rest of humanity has weapons like guns and other automatic phasers,” I grinned ruefully. Instead of the usual reactions, I got wary confusion.

“Contract?” His hand strayed to the knife at his back. I tilted my head.

“Yeah. My Birth Contract Weapon? The one you’re born with? Manifestation of the soul?” I waited for him to understand, to wake up fully and blush at his stupidity, but Keith just gripped his knife and slid into a ready stance. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, but it’s not something someone from Earth would have,” He said sharply. I was so taken aback, I actually took a step back.

“What? It’s solid proof that I am from Earth! Every human has one! Just like the barb at your hip!” I assured him. But my words just made his eyes harden and bare his teeth. 

“I can’t believe we fell for it again,” He snarled. Fear exploded in my chest. What was going on. How did he not understand what I was talking about? Was this not Keith? Wasn’t he human as well? I yelped as he roared and freed his knife, expanding it into a sword. I barely managed to lift mine in time to block his attack. He was so much faster than the training drones! I shoved him back and stumbled away. But he came at me again. 

I hissed in pain as he managed to cut my side. His attacks were a blur. I could only block and dodge, trying to run while just barely fighting back. My jaw was clenched in terror, mind whiting out completely. I was better than this! But it was hard to remember that in the face of such fury and hate. 

“Keith, please!” I cried, stopping his down-swing, “I don’t understand- I’m human like you!” My arms trembled at the weight of his attack. He was taller and broader than me. And I was missing my other half. Tears of desperation filled my eyes and fell. 

“No human has a barb at their hip- or a contract,” He spit. Then he broke the stalemate, rearing back and kicking me solidly in the stomach. My feet left the ground. My sword fell from numb fingers. I flew back- slamming into the wall. I choked on air and surprise. I slumped to numb knees and crumpled to the ground, shaking. I could feel my lungs convulsing. I twitched in pain and panic. Then another kick sent me sliding across the ground. “Who are you? What do you want?” Keith bellowed. I could only stare at him, wide-eyed with terror. 

Breathing abruptly returned. I jerked up and scrambled to my scimitar, scooping it up and bolting from the training room. Keith’s heavy footfalls told me he was following. A fear choked cry escaped me. I tore down a hall and swung around the corner, slamming into the wall. Instinctively, I fell into a roll. Keith’s blade sparked off the wall, right where my head had been. On my feet again, I whirled and cut at the deranged teen, trying to get space. 

“Listen to me! Keith, please! I’m-” I ducked under his swing, “I’m from Earth! I’m human!” Our blades crossed, both of us leaning into it, trying to make the other back up. Keith was winning. 

“You’re not. And I won’t let you hurt us again,” He promised. My heart thudded painfully in my chest. I’d always been wary of Keith, but now I was just plain terrified of him. With a scream of effort, I shoved his sword down and to the side, forcing him off-balance. With a well-aimed kick, I sent him sprawling. Then I turned tail and ran. Behind me Keith shouted something. My heart was too loud to make it out. 

Sirens broke the stillness of the castle. I hit another wall trying to turn, but pushed off of it to try and maintain my momentum. I barreled down two more halls- and ran right into Lance. We went down in a heap of limbs. 

“Ow! What the quiznack!” The blue paladin shouted. I yanked myself free, grabbing my scimitar from where it had fallen. 

“Something’s wrong with Keith!” I gasped out, “He started spewing something about not having a barb or Contract and then attacked me! I don’t know what’s going on!” Lance’s expression shifted from outraged confusion to stone-cold serious as I spoke. 

“Barb? Contract? You’re not making sense. What’s wrong with Keith? Is that why the alarm is going off?” I heaved in air, nodding at his questions.

“I think so. He shouted something and then the siren started. I was in the training room and he asked where I got my sword. I told him it was my Contract and he freaked out, saying I wasn’t human. He didn’t even understand when I told him I had a barb; just like the rest of humanity,” I slumped against the wall, trying to steady my breathing. My scimitar hung loosely in my hand. Had I lost Keith? 

“Back up, what’s a contract? What’s a barb?” Lance held a rifle, though I couldn’t fathom how his barb had been able to pierce through his armor to summon it. 

“The barb. At your hip,” I finally felt strong enough to stand and pointed to my hip. Flexing my thigh, I flicked mine free. Shaped like a scorpion’s, it was about an inch long and sharp. Lance jumped back with a cry, training his gun on me. I pressed to the wall, horror spreading through me. 

“What the quiznack is that?” His voice was shrill, “Humans don’t have those!” I recoiled almost painfully. Of course they did! “I knew you couldn’t be trusted!” Lance’s eyes blazed with anger. I almost wept in confused panic, leaping to the side as he started firing. 

Darting around a corner- I screamed in pain as one of his phaser’s met its mark on my calf. I forced myself up and kept running, crying from pain and betrayal. A room appeared to my left. I threw myself through the door. Laying on the floor, I shook and wept, pressing my hand to my mouth hard. Any sound was a death wish. Slow footsteps came closer to my hiding place. Closer. I stilled, swallowing the lump in my throat. Almost level with the door. My grip tightened on my scimitar’s leather handle. 

I wouldn’t go out like a scared nothing. That wasn’t me anymore. I’d left that terrified girl on the battle field of Mystinn. I was stronger than this. The footsteps halted. Just outside the door. I crouched, ready to spring when the door opened. I was going to live. I was going to find Lotor. We were going to get out of this. Like always. But first I had to wake up the darker part of me. I breathed in deep, falling into the mire in my head. 

The door slid open- I burst out, sword glinting. Lance yelped- I was below him, scything his legs from under him with a foot. He hit the ground. I was already down the hall, running low to the ground. Flinging out a hand I threw myself around the corner and let go, boosting my speed. Keith stood in the middle of the hall. He spotted me and raised his sword. Instead of running away, I ran full tilt at him. Leaping just before I reached him, I crashed my sword to his. He buckled under the weight and momentum. We fell to the floor. I rolled free of his body, coming up running. 

“Lotor!” I yelled, “Where are you?” I heard Keith’s scream of rage, but kept going. He wasn’t important. “Lotor! Answer me!” Hallways rushed by, rooms whizzed past. The dinning room door opened to a startled Pidge. I blew past. 

“Solara! Here, Solara! Solara!” I followed Lotor’s voice until I found him, outfitted in his army clothes from Cryus-seven. His gun was free and he had my belt over a shoulder, sonic grenades and sheath in place. 

“Lotor!” I slammed into a wall to stop, panting, “Something’s wrong with Keith and Lance. They’re convinced I’m not human. Kill-on-sight convinced. They claim to not know about Contracts. Or barbs.” I sucked in a breath, taking my belt from him. I snapped it in place, wishing I had my own Cryus uniform. Whatever. I sheathed my scimitar, taking comfort from it’s weight at the base of my spine. Laying horizontally at the small of my back, it made for an easy and quick draw. 

“We must find the others, then. Try and figure out what’s made them go mad,” Lotor said. I nodded, feeling myself settle now that Lotor was at my side. Choosing a hall at random, we started searching. The siren still rang, loud wails echoing down the halls. We found Pidge first. Hunk join a moment later. 

“Are you guys okay?” The yellow paladin asked. A large blaster rested against his hip. Pidge held a small triangle, edged in green. 

“We were about to ask you the same thing. Keith attacked me out of no where and then Lance turned on me. I think something’s wrong with them. Maybe they were poisoned?” I said quietly. Pidge hummed and tapped her gauntlet. A holoscreen sprang up. Four dots popped into view- us, I assumed- along with another pair a few halls away. Keith and Lance? Pidge tapped the screen, bringing up a keypad. She tapped away, lines of code spewing across the screen. 

“I’m not seeing any contaminates in the air and the water in the castle checks out, too. As far as I can tell there’s no one but us in castle and we’d have seen anyone approaching from space.” The green paladin adjusted her glasses, narrowing her eyes in thought. “What exactly happened?” I sighed at having to go through this a third time, but humored her.

“I was training and Keith came in. He saw my scimitar and asked where I’d gotten it. I told him it was my Contract. He acted like he didn’t understand what I was talking about and when I asked him about his barb, he exploded. Saying he’d fallen for it again and that he wouldn’t allow me to hurt you guys again,” I rubbed my forehead, trying to sift through the confusion, “What I don’t understand is how both him and Lance seemed to be confused and freaked by my words.” Hunk cleared his throat.

“That would be because you’re not making any sense. Contract? Barb?” I groaned, scrubbing at my face.

“This!” I tugged my pants away from my right hip and flexed, allowing my barb to spring free. To their credit, neither of the paladins turned their weapons on me. 

“Yeah, that’s not a human feature,” Pidge said. I looked at her.

“Yes it is. I’m human. Therefore it’s a human feature,” I had a sinking feeling even as I argued. Four humans wasn’t a coincidence. Something was wrong here. Pidge held up her holoscreen, looking at me through it. A human outline popped up, different colors ringing the picture. Pidge’s eyes widened.

“I think we’re operating with two very different definitions of human,” She announced. I froze. “What I’m getting is human reactions- or nearly human. But here and here-” Pidge pointed to my hip and my upper back via the screen, “are different. There’s a scorpion-esque barb and here is the remnants of a carapace.” I clenched my hand tight around my scimitar’s handle.

“Are you saying you don’t have those?” I asked. Hunk shook his head.

“Not at all, no.” I rubbed a hand over my face roughly.

“Hey, look on the bright side! This actually proves you’re from a different reality!” Pidge smiled at me. I glared weakly at her.

“So, what, we find Lance and Keith and explain?” Lotor asked. He stood just behind me, hand tight around his gun. 

“We could split up and try that. I’m betting neither of them would listen to you guys right now,” Hunk offered. I raised a hand, halting the conversations flow.

“That won’t help if its Lotor or I that finds them. If we split it should be Lotor and Pidge, Hunk and me. I can fight around someone bigger than me, Lotor can fight around someone smaller. Personally, I feel like this is a fight-to-the-death party and I don’t want to be thrown off my groove,” I said. Hunk nodded. 

“Uh-huh, yeah, I feel that,” He agreed. Pidge shrugged and nodded as well. Lotor, knowing it was the best plan right now, just sighed. I turned around and took his free hand in mine.

“Remember my promise?” I asked. Lotor’s mouth twisted, still unhappy. “I will come back to you.” I tugged on his hand, prompting him to dip his head. I pressed my lips to his cheek, wanting to give him the comfort he sought. Lotor made a soft sound and suddenly I was engulfed in his embrace. I pushed into it- Hunk cleared his throat.

“Sorry, but, uh, we need to move..right?” His voice was filled with awkward discomfort. Lotor pulled back and looked me in the eye.

“I will wait for you, Solara, come back to me,” He said firmly. I grinned lopsidedly. Then I turned and started down the hall, leaving Hunk to catch up with a surprised noise. I didn’t have to look back to know Lotor was still watching me, but I did anyway. I turned a corner, trying to push away my sudden fear as I lost sight of him.

“Sooo…what’s the story between you two? How long have you been together?” Hunk asked after a beat of silence. 

“We’ve known each other for five years,” I reminded him. Hunk shook his head, readjusting his blaster.

“No, I mean, how long have you guys.. been together.” I gave him a confused look.

“We have been partners for five years,” I said. Hunk frowned at me.

“So, you mean- oh, man- you’re not- okay,” He stopped talking abruptly, leaving me to look on in growing confusion. Whatever, I couldn’t afford the distraction. Lance and Keith were still at large and out for blood. We walked down several halls, only our breathing filling the silence. 

‘Hunk, come in,’ Pidge’s voice emanated from Hunk’s helmet comm. Hunk paused.

“Hunk here,” At my raised eyebrow, he just shrugged. 

‘I have a bead on Keith, he’s near the kitchen,’ I twirled my scimitar, adjusting my grip and started forward. 

“We’ll engage, try to convince him,” I called over my shoulder. Hunk stuttered and relayed the message before jogging to catch up with me. The cold floor made my feet ache, but I filed the feeling away. Any pain, any ache, any discomfort was acknowledged and filed away. I’d look at them later, but right now I was in a battle. My heart jumped in my chest. I pushed down the smile tugging at my mouth. Focus. 

Keith’s battle cry sent me to my knees, swords clashing. I kept his momentum going, sending him crashing over me and into a wall. Whirling, I stood and met his blade with mine. This was better. A more even battle field. Fear had gone, replaced with the joy of the fight. Two, three more times I blocked Keith. He growled and hacked at my feet, forcing me back. He was good. Almost as good as me. I bent over backwards, hands touching the ground and kicked up- Keith’s chin met my foot. I laughed, hopping close and under his guard. Some part of me, distant and small, felt worry. Felt shame. But the bigger part of me was immersed in the battle. Feeling nothing more than the satisfaction of a good hit, a good block, the anticipation of who would draw first blood.

“Wait, wait, Keith, Solara! Stop! This is a misunderstanding!” Hunk yelled. For a moment, Keith hesitated. I saw my chance. I leaped, sword aimed at his middle. But the red paladin was fast. His sword crashed against mine, our hilts locked.

“No! They’re here to try to deceive us! I won’t be taken in again!” Keith shouted, anger etched into every line of his face. I laughed, loving the loss of his cool. I’d gained the upper hand! I shifted and kicked his stomach, raising my sword- 

“Solara!” I was tackled, a heavy body slamming me into the ground. Hissing in anger, I curled and launched the enemy away with my feet. My sword, still clenched in a tight fist, started cutting at the man. He rolled away and to his feet, hands out, pleading. Contempt swept through me. He’d taken a good fight from me, and now he wanted to plead? I came at him, slashing and hacking. 

“Stop this! Solara!” The voice pulled at me, distracting me. That’s when he struck. Hands pinned my arms to my side. His force put us both on the ground, with him over me.

“Solara! Listen to me! Wake up! You’re safe! It’s alright!” I struggled, but the man was too close and too strong. His voice crowded out the others, the screams, the cries, the gunfire. I shook my head, trying to silence it. “That’s it, follow me, follow my voice, I’m here, Solara, I’m here.” Breathing was suddenly a struggle. I felt the cold ground under me. I felt Lotor’s warmth over and around me. Awareness suddenly returned. I ground my teeth together, pushing off the last of the battle haze. I opened my eyes, Lotor’s face slowly coming into focus. I swallowed hard. 

“I-I did it again,” I whispered through clenched teeth, “I’m sorry.” I forced my body limp, scimitar held in loose fingers. “La’han, Strivi.” The scimitar liquefied and flowed up my arm, back into one of the many cuts I’d gained somehow. Lotor’s forehead gently touched mine, offering comfort and forgiveness. Tears coursed down my cheeks. 

“Oh, Solara,” Lotor sighed.


	10. Another jail cell, a song, and comfort

I was back in the cell. But I was alone. Laying listlessly on the ground, I tried to think of nothing. I knew Lotor was near by, but I couldn’t face him. Not after I’d slipped. I’d ruined everything. I’d ruined the small bond of trust, set the olive branch on fire. Now they’d never accept Lotor. They’d hate him, put him in chains and throw away the key- all because of me. Because I’d slipped. I grimaced and forced my mind blank. But nothing helped. Thoughts swirled and choked me, leaving me feeling brittle and too-full. I’d ruined any chance of us being accepted. I did that. 

“Do you remember Tribbin-five?” Lotor’s voice startled me. I kept my eyes closed, ignoring him. But he persisted, like I knew he would. “Just after the second battle, it was us hunkered behind some broken cruiser and low on ammo? You and I had just realized how bad the situation was, and I was sure we’d die? Do you remember what you told me?” I rolled over slightly, just enough to look at him with tired eyes. He was smiling softly. “You said the fight wasn’t over until you’d stopped breathing.” I let out a breath, looking away towards the ceiling. I couldn’t take this. How could he keep seeing good in me? After everything?

“Do you remember what I said on Mystinn? That I’d die happy on the battle field?” My voice was hoarse, choked from silent tears. Lotor’s footsteps were soft. He was still barefoot, then. He stopped just before the cell and knelt. 

“After the battle, we celebrated, do you remember? With Fivvi, Stral, Kin, Triva? We danced until our feet hurt and we couldn’t breath. Do you remember the song they played? The one just before sunrise? Vin sat, streev call minsule. Kivva ruil min ha, guin sal mui. You said you’d never heard a more beautiful song-”

“Especially when you sang it,” I finished, “I remember.” His voice had been louder then, bolstered by the glow of an unseen victory, surviving comrades, and food for once. Now it was soft and low, meant only for me. I rolled over all the way, eyes tracing over his face again and again. Memorizing it, so I could see it in my dreams. He had always been able to chase away every nightmare I’d had. Lotor placed a hand on the glass wall, eyes locked on mine. Slowly, I pushed off the floor. Resettling into a kneeling position, I placed my palm over his. 

Through everything, through every battle, every trial, every tribulation, he’d been there. Lotor had watched my back. Lotor had fought by my side. Lotor had bled and left home for me. In him I’d found more than a comrade; I’d found a true, unwavering friend. Someone to lean on without shame. Someone to talk to without barriers. Beside him, I’d found home. Beside him I’d found warmth. Safety. Hope. I leaned my head onto the glass, tired of trying to be strong. Tired of trying to be put together. Tired of trying. I felt tears gather in my eyes, but didn’t fight them. Here, with him, there was no point. My sobs echoed in the cell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another short one, but it's necessary, I swear


	11. Screams, fights, and scars

Third POV

“If you won’t let her out, let me in!” Lotor crossed his arms, nails biting into his skin. The black short-sleeved shirt was past thread-bare, but it was better than nothing. He’d given Solara his night shirt and she’d been wearing it during her episode. Shiro shook his head, face clouded. 

“Why’d she attack like that in the first place? It was so strange,” Pidge asked, a hand on her glasses. Lotor sighed, rubbing his face in aggravation. Solara wouldn’t want her weakness out in the open, but they wouldn’t let him in the cell without a good reason. 

“I will not explain everything,” Lotor held up a hand to stall the protests, “That is up to Solara. It is her story to tell. But what I will say is this. In the fifth reality, there was a planet called Mystinn. Solara and I had been taken by the enemy. We were separated. I don’t know if she suffered the same as I did, but she got out first. Later, she explained that to stay sane, her mind had shut down and let her body do what needed to be done. She fought her way out, slaughtering whoever stood in her way.” Lotor closed his eyes, shutting out the looks of horror. They didn’t understand. “She freed me, but she didn’t recognize me. I followed in her wake and we made it out of the base. The enemy had amassed an army, but to Solara it didn’t matter. She’d receded too far into herself to feel fear. We’d have died there, but Solara…She fought like she loved it. She needed to be worse than her fear, worse than the soldiers before her. She laughed and cut through them like they were the sheaves of wheat the battle took place in.”

“You mean she enjoyed taking those lives? She’s a monster!” Allura shouted, disgust in her tone. Lotor’s control broke. In an instant he was looming over the small princess, a hand under her chin, claws brushing her very breakable skin. 

“Do not insult Solara in front of me,” He hissed darkly. “Have you seen war? Have you been in the middle of bloodshed with nothing but a sword and cotton over your skin? Have you fought too many adversaries and seen comrades fall before you? Have you felt blood wet your skin until you’ve felt nothing else?” Allura had turned as white as her hair, body trembling. He needed to stop. He needed to back up. This wasn’t helping Solara-

“I’ve seen enough monsters to know when they’re before me,” Allura’s voice shook, but her eyes were defiant with hate and rage. Lotor felt the calm flood him. The calm of the battle.

“And have you seen the aftermath? The toll it takes to survive being a monster?” His voice was whisper soft, but no less venomous. “Have you seen the wreckage that comes with trying to survive war after war? The marks of fighting battles not your own?” Allura’s jaw snapped together. Lotor was seething. How dare she. How dare- 

Solara’s screams echoed down the hall. Lotor was running before he registered it. Inside the cell, Solara was writhing, trapped in her mind, tortured by her dreams. Lotor slammed his fists on the glass.

“Solara! Solara wake up!” Again and again, he punched the wall, but it was solid. He whirled around, shouting, “Let me in! She needs me!” Another scream ripped through Lotor. The Paladins were frozen in shock. “Solara, it’s not real!” He pounded on the glass, but she didn’t hear him. The war in her head was too loud. A final scream rent the air, then she went still. Lotor’s heart stuttered, then kicked into over-drive. This wasn’t happening. This wasn’t happening! Lotor dashed to the door of the cell. He slammed on the door, ramming it with his shoulder. He had about a minute before it started. He couldn’t watch it again. Not again. All at once, the others were shouting, telling him to stop. Lotor just rammed the door again, leaving a dent. Arms wound under his and locked behind his head, trapping his movement. Lotor roared, kicking out and trying to unbalance whomever was behind him. 

“Stop! She’s fine! Look, she’s not screaming anymore!” Hunk pointed to Solara, who had started to twitch. 

“Control yourself!” Shiro yelled from behind him. Lotor tried to shake him off, but the paladin held firm despite his smaller size. 

“You don’t understand!” Lotor yelled, “She’s going to hurt herself! You have to let me-” It was too late. Solara was sitting upright, eyes still closed, but clawing at her arm. Lotor jumped, pulling Shiro up and over, finally throwing the man. Lotor ran to the door, slamming into it. Under too much stress, it fell. Lotor picked himself up and tackled Solara.

“Solara, wake up! I’m here, you’re safe. Come back,” His voice was low and soft, hands pinning hers to the ground. Her nails had opened a red line along her arm, atop the scars that lay there. There was shouting from outside the cell, but he didn’t bother to listen. All of Lotor’s attention was on Solara. Her eyes were roaming under her lids, still wrapped in her dreams. Lotor dipped his head to her ear, mouth close enough to brush the skin. 

“Come back. Wake up. I’m here, love, I’m not leaving you. I promised to never leave. Wake up,” He whispered, eyes closed against the tears welling in his eyes. Solara stilled, twitching hands falling limp. Solara’s head moved, pressing her face to his.


	12. Memories, Change, and Hope

_The sky was filled with ash, smoke, and screams. I ran as carefully as I could, trying to avoid the small hills and divits that signaled mines and traps respectively. My borrowed rifle was heavy in my arms, but I couldn’t afford to stop. I needed to find Lotor. I’d last seen him- My body dropped into a roll, avoiding the bullet. I came up kneeling, firing off a shot and watching the body fall. I’d last seen him near the toppled temple tower. That was due north from me now. I started off, head on a swivel. Of all the battles to get separated on this planet, it had to be in the one right in the middle of an war ruined city. Great. _

_Hiking the rifle up, I tried to sight my way through the smoke. No go. I growled out a sigh and trudged on, stepping over eviscerated bodies. The enemy had a Vyrnic. Big, hulking, and armed to the gills with serrated teeth and claws, it was trained to cut down and move on. I set my jaw, more wary now. These were fresh bodies. I heard the beast howling before I saw it. Crouched low, I slowly stalked forward- there. Shaggy fur bristled as it cornered someone. The screaming sobs grated on my ears, but I didn’t have time to find sympathy or concern. I knelt and took aim, peering through the scope. _

_I squeezed the trigger. The Vyrnic jerked forward, wounded, but not dead. I cursed. Another bullet to the head. Still the creature’s thick skull kept the it from death. I took a deep breath and ignored the fact that it had me in it’s sight. I needed to take it down. Of the seven released at the battle’s start, this was the last. Steadying myself, I waited for it to line up…bang! The creature dropped. I lowered my gun and let out a breath. Now to find Lotor. I stood and turned- right into the barrel of a phaser. _

_“I wish you hadn’t done that,” A voice clicked. Pincers warped the Basic, but I’d had enough practice to understand Oith. The traitor jerked his phaser to the dirt. I threw the rifle down. _

_“Mark me, Oith, you will die,” I vowed. He just foamed out a laugh and forced me into a walk. The battle field was growing quiet. Bombs and gunfire came less frequently. We were loosing. No wonder they’d found us; Oith had led them right to us. Tramping across the decimated wheat field, I noticed others. Bound with rope and chains, my comrades were being corralled into a pit. Then I saw him. Taller than the bug-like inhabitants, Lotor stood out. Ash and dirt marked his skin, but I would know him blind. His clothes were torn and he was bleeding in some places, but he didn’t look too injured. Our eyes meet briefly, but before so many enemies, we checked our relief and concern. But with Oith’s betrayal, it didn’t matter. The enemy knew our weaknesses- all of them. I was shoved into the pit, sliding and slipping until I got to the bottom. I stood and turned to face Oith._

_“You will die before this day is out. Oith, hear me! Your head is mine,” I shouted. Heads turned, eyes locked onto the traitor. Shouts and jeers started up, some even abandoning Basic to hiss and click out insults in native Yiun. Oith glared down at me, hate living in his three working eyes. I stared at him, then let a cold smile walk across my face. Oith turned and disappeared. For a moment, I forgot about everything and forced my way to Lotor. I needed to see him. Make sure he was okay. His eyes found mine instantly. _

_“Solara,” He breathed out, shoulders slumping a little. I smiled crookedly up at him and folded my arms. _

_“Lotor,” I returned softly. For a moment, we just stared, looking over the other and reassuring ourselves that the other was alive. Then Lotor’s eyes shifted up and away, scanning the lip of the pit. Soldiers lined the edge, wary of escapees. _

_“We are not getting out of this one quiet so easily,” Lotor admitted. I nodded, looking at the small group. There were so few. We really had lost, then. A portal couldn’t happen soon enough. Abandoning the Yuinic was awful, but that meant nothing to me if it meant Lotor and I would survive. I’d heard promising activity here, but…_

_“Grab those two. They’re the leaders here,” A voice burbled. Both our head whipped around. A Scycyk was pointing to us. Two soldiers clamored down and pushed their way through the crowd to us. Lotor snarled and stepped in front of me. I whirled and stood at his back, eyeing the rest of the soldiers. They hadn’t moved, but their guns were trained on us- at Lotor’s head specifically. I hissed and pressed my palms to Lotor’s legs before slowly lifting them. From Lotor’s tensing back, I knew he did the same. _

_They took us to cells. A small room of solid rock, there was no escape from them. I grit my teeth and smoothed out my expression. Time passed and nothing happened. Then interrogators marched in and slammed heavy cuffs onto my wrists, attaching iron chains to them and then the floor. I swallowed my fear. A table was wheeled in, glittering in steel and sharp edges. I breathed out slow, filling my head with Lotor. His laugh, his smile, his eyes, his smell. I remembered his embrace, the feel of him at my back, how he curled his hand over mine. _

_The torture began and didn’t end. My screams ran out. My tears dried up. My mind fled. I was lost. _

_I came to holding keys and a wet knife. I saw bodies. I fled myself. Distantly, as if watching someone else, I saw my hands moving, my feet running. I saw Lotor, vague and blurred. I saw enemies. Then I felt it. Joy. Sick happiness. The pride of a well-delivered cut. Things took on a sharp clarity. My head felt warped and twisted. I found myself outside. _

_The field had been turned into a war zone. I ducked under a sword and turned, cutting into the exposed back. I ran, slicing through the enemy’s ranks. I was a blur, just a flash of reflected light, leaving a wake of bodies. The blood under my feet didn’t matter. The ash in the air didn’t matter. The plethora of cuts and nicks and wounds scattered over my skin didn’t matter. Just the fight. Just the thrill of a successful maneuver. Just the pride of another felled enemy. _

_A smile stretched over my face. I was better than these pathetic excuses of soldiers. Was there no one to give me a decent challenge? A real fight? A sick sense of fulfillment blazed through me. This was simple. Just a swing of my sword. Just the flick of my wrist. Just the turn of my body. No one could touch me. No one could stop me. I was above them. Alone. Blessedly alone! If this never ended, I would be so happy-!/___

_ _\--  
There was warmth above and around me. Skin pressed to mine. I turned my head, breathing in home, safety, all things good. Slowly, I force my eyes open. Lotor was there. Tears brimming his eyes, face pinched in terror. Why? Why was he afraid? I lifted a hand, following his arm up to his shoulder, then across and finally to his cheek, where I brushed at the wet trails. _ _

_ _“Hey,” I murmured, “It’s alright. I’m here,” Lotor let out a shuddering sigh, a sob half hidden inside it. _ _

_ _“Solara, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. Forgive me,” Lotor whispered. I frowned at his fractured tone. I shifted my hand from his face to his hair, carding my fingers through his hair. _ _

_ _“It’s alright. I’m here, love, I’m here,” I said, trying to remember what happened. I couldn’t remember a fight. We weren’t on a battle field. Casting my eyes around, I saw a glass window, a few people, a broken door…this was a cell. The cell inside the Castle of Lions. I’d been here…twice. The second because I’d attacked- I stiffened, my air choked off. _ _

_ _I remembered. I’d fought Keith, slipped during the fight. Got thrown in- I’d broken the small bridge of trust. I screwed my eyes shut, twisting closer to Lotor, trying to find some measure of comfort. I’d dreamed of Mystinn. I could feel the gash on my arm, where I’d once torn off shackles. Lotor sat up, pulling me up with him. I buried my face in his neck, trying to block out everything. _ _

_ _“Solara, you’re awake. You’re safe. I’ve got you,” Lotor repeated a litany of soothing words into my ear, our roles suddenly reversed. _ _

_ _“It’s not. It’s not. I slipped. I’ve ruined every- they’ll never see you as anything but an enemy. I did this. This is my fault.” I sobbed brokenly. I’d fought our allies. I’d doomed us both. I’d turned allies into enemies and now we’d both pay for it. I’d murdered my only friend. I’d murdered my-_ _

_ _“She’s got PTSD,” A voice murmured. I jerked painfully, fighting the arms of steel wrapped around me. We had to fight! We had to run! We h- Lotor’s fingers wrapped around my jaw, firm but gentle. He locked eyes with me and held them; something he wouldn’t do unless there weren’t any enemies around. I slowed my panicked breathing. I was okay. I was with Lotor. I was safe. _ _

_ _“This…this is horrible,” Another voice said. I sank into Lotor’s chest, exhausted. I couldn’t do this anymore. I couldn’t fight my mind anymore. I couldn’t. I was so tired. I just wanted it to be over. Finished. Ended. _ _

_ _“We can help her heal. On the inside, I mean,” Shiro’s voice was suddenly close. _ _

_ _“How? How can you heal what you can’t see? You can’t fight her memories for her. You can’t erase trauma,” Lotor’s voice rumbled under me, vibrating in my bones. _ _

_ _“No, but we have experience with survivors. We have methods that can ease nightmares and start to heal what’s been hurt,” Shiro said. I turned my head, looking at him with dead eyes. The man gave me an encouraging smile._ _


	13. Talks, cookies, and hope

“So how did you two meet exactly?” Shiro asked, after one of my therapy sessions. The medbot was waving me goodbye- something I still had trouble coming to terms with. The castle was equipped with every medical service available, even therapy. I turned to Shiro and frowned.

“Why?” His question was setting off my alarms. Questions like this unearthed too many levers that could be used against either of us. Our relationship was far too important to be out in the open with just anyone. And we weren’t invulnerable enough to afford it. Shiro raised his hands in a peaceable gesture. 

“I’m just curious. You two have known each other for five years, jumped through eight realities together, fought in wars together. You two are inseparable- and that’s not an entirely good thing. I know what co-dependency looks like and this is a severe case. So I was just wondering how it started,” Shiro shrugged. I sighed, watching the ground as we walked. On some level, I knew I could trust him. But it was hard to put that into practice. I’d lived for so long with just Lotor that anyone else being as trustworthy was laughable. Even Shiro, who had been the first to extend a hand, would never come anywhere near the level I held Lotor at. I wouldn’t trust anyone as much as Lotor. Ever. But Shiro was safe. He was. So I swallowed hard and started talking. 

“Dizaabal was my third reality. I’d just fallen through the portal when the Galra army grabbed me. I’d actually fallen right in the middle of their strategy meeting in the royal palace. So they locked me up in their jail. It wasn’t as sophisticated as some of the others I’d been in, so picking the lock wasn’t hard. I’d just gotten out when Lotor’s group of renegades had stormed the castle. At first, I thought they were there to take me back. But somehow, they’d heard that a portal jumper had appeared and was locked up, so they were going to spring me. I just beat them to it. In the end I joined up, intending to find a portal and jump, but…” I shrugged, trying to put what happened into words. “Lotor and I bonded. He…wasn’t liked, even as he was fighting his dad. He took on every mission given to him, all the dangerous ones, all the suicidal ones, the ones that no one came back from. And he did. He came back every time.

“And as time passed, I grew worried that he wouldn’t, so I started going with him. To watch his six. After several near misses, we just started to work as a team on everything. I wanted him to be seen in a better light, because to me, he was so good. He was kind, hard working, encouraging, strong. But the others only saw Zarkon’s kid. The would-be heir to the empire that ruined their lives. Some were just waiting for him to turn. But he was so loyal. Lotor thought only of helping them, fighting his dad, and then fading away into obscurity. He’s never wanted power or fame.” 

Shiro raised his eyebrows. I imagined his face would look more surprised if he weren’t so good at keeping his thoughts off it. We’d walked to the kitchen, lunch having passed me by during my session. I pulled at one of the food hoses and gave myself an ample portion, holding the plate steady. Shiro looked contemplative, but he didn’t push for anymore. I wouldn’t have answered even if he did. I’d said too much. I cursed my mouth. I’d been too open. He’d caught me just after therapy, a place were I did nothing but talk for three hours and pumped me for information on Lotor. I worked my jaw, trying to keep my face calm. Where was Lotor? I was always in control around him. I needed my other half. 

His footsteps lifted my head. Lotor stood in the kitchen’s doorway, eyes roving over me. I did the same, checking for injuries or signs of distress. Lotor frowned. He came closer and dragged a knuckle under my eye, where my stress hid. I looked away, gritting my teeth against the shame welling in me.

“Solara, what’s wrong?” Lotor asked, leaning over. In his presence, I felt myself relax. His warmth reached out and wrapped around me, giving me the comfort I craved. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Shiro give me a look and retreat. Carefully setting the plate on the counter, I folded my arms tight across my chest. 

“I…I told Shiro about how we met. Not the burning castle turret, but the first part. I said too much,” I confessed. Talking to the medbot still made me feel too raw, too open. Lotor sighed, a smile hiding in it. 

“Sol, I don’t care. These people… I think we can trust them. Maybe they still don’t like me, but they’re understanding us and your saying, ‘people will always fear what they don’t understand’? It doesn’t apply anymore,” Lotor tipped my chin up, eyes patient, sure, warm. I released a long breath. 

“A thousand realities, and I’m blessed enough to find you,” I smiled crookedly.

“You must have done something right,” He joked, hand shifting to hold my cheek. I dropped my arms and tugged on his shirt, pulling my partner closer. Lotor smiled down at me fondly, tracing over my face with his eyes, thumb brushing away whatever stress had managed to cling to me despite his presence. I gazed up at the peace that lived on his face at this moment. Lotor took on more than he needed to, if it helped another. But here, now, he was just Lotor- a scared boy turned happy man. I didn’t need anything else. 

“Aw, you guys are so sweet,” Hunk cooed. We both turned to watch the big teen, watching as he fitted a glove over his hand and took out a plate of small circles. Brown, dotted with bits of darker brown- 

“Cookies!” I gasped. It’d been so long! Near seven years since I’d seen the shape of chocolate chip cookies, or even thought about them.

“Hehe, yeah, I just finished my first batch. Wanna try one? Careful, they’re hot though,” Hunk’s warning was ineffective. I peeled the gooey mess from the pan and shoved the molten treat into my mouth. A soft squeal left me. Lotor watched with loving fascination. 

“Lo, these are amazing, eat one,” I picked up a piece and popped it into his waiting mouth, happiness causing his nickname to jump from my mouth. There was a pause, then Lotor’s face changed. Like when he’d discovered spiced wine on Vinile. Like when he’d had Corvkik for the first time. 

Blinding joy radiated from every pore. His smile was only checked by the heaven in his mouth. I grinned and hopped on the counter, breaking another cookie and handing it to Lotor, taking the other half for myself. Lotor’s was gone when I blinked. 

I laughed, almost choking on my cookie. “Lo, slow down savor it.” He emphatically shook his head. 

“Too good, will die,” He assured me. I tipped my head back and laughed again, loud and long. This was almost a foreign feeling, this happiness. This light atmosphere. Lotor made an effort with the next cookie, but broke halfway through and shoved it in his mouth again.

“Hey! don’t eat all of them!” Hunk complained. I leaned back on my palms and made a face, pleading.

“But Lotor’s never had them before and it’s been seven years since I’ve even seen cookies. Let alone eaten ones as good as these!” Hunk turned streaming eyes to Lotor.

“Oh man, is that true? Then prepare yourself, purple boy, ‘cause I’m gonna give you a full crash course in cookie!” Hunk declared. I could almost see the determined sparkles. After that, we were buried in ingredients, bowls, pans, and mixers. Hunk had us both help with the cooking process, claiming it enhanced the whole cookie as a whole. I had never had much talent with food, barring the war rations and instant food packets, but seeing Lotor learning something new like this, I felt a measure of peace I’d thought long lost. 

This was how it should be, always. Lotor deserved this. Deserved being around someone happy to teach and wanting to help him learn. Sitting on the counter, I laughed as Lotor tried not to breath in flour, getting half of it down his front. Hunk only manged to stifle his laughter because he was cleaning his elbow of sugar cookie dough. 

“Here, I don’t want you left out!” Lotor exclaimed, smearing my cheek with the butter. I shrieked and batted away his questing hands, grin stretched wide. 

“Catch!” Hunk tossed me a plastic spoon and pointed to a bowl. I got to work, but not before I tapped a dollop of mix onto Lotor’s nose. He cackled, nose scrunching. I was hit with a fondness so strong, I felt my heart stutter. He’d laughed with his eyes closed. My smile was only a little wobbly. 

The kitchen was a mess, but in the end, we had six sheets of various cookies. All hot and gooey, all small circles of heaven. 

“Slow down, Lo, they’ll still be there when you breath,” I chuckled, eyes crinkling with mirth. Lotor just shook his head, cheeks full. Finally emptying his mouth, Lotor wrapped his arms around my middle, lifting me off the counter in a tight hug. 

“Solara, you never cease to amaze me! Five years and you still manage to find things for me to learn! I think I’ve seen it all, and you pull another wonder from your pocket!” He crowed, open and free. I returned the hug, arms around his neck, face pressed to his head. 

“You deserve nothing less! You are all the stars in the sky, the nebulae and cosmos that I love!” I exclaimed, all too happy to return his adoration. Hunk squealed softly in the background, but my attention was on Lotor. He spun around once before setting me on my feet and popping two more cookies in his mouth. 

“You guys are so sweet. Seriously, it’s amazing, I just love watching you. Oh, man,” Hunk pressed his hands to his cheeks, “So pure.” I grinned and bumped my shoulder against the teen’s.

“Thank you. For this. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen him like this,” I watched Lo sway back and forth, actually savoring the peanut butter cookie. 

“How long? When was the last time?” Hunk asked. I tipped my head, thinking.

“I think on Furtherith-seven. The Spevicks were celebrating and they brought out Lo’s favorite spiced wine. Oh, man, he was so happy. He actually danced with them after a a bottle and a half,” I giggled, remembering the songs, the dances, and the decorations. 

“Didn’t some young Pitha try to woo you on that planet?” Lotor arched a brow, spewing crumbs and cheer. I snorted.

“Oh yeah! He-he was so earnest!” I squeaked, “All wobbling forelegs and crumpled antenna! I couldn’t take him seriously, the poor thing.” I laughed, remembering the tall, awkward way he preened and how his feathers tangled together, forcing an early retreat. 

“It was painful to watch, but you bore it well. A true soldier,” Lotor dropped his voice, mimicking the commandor Critk. I sputtered out a small, ‘Bin’ya Vglin!’ before my control left me. 

“I have no idea what’s happening, but I am so happy right now,” Hunk beamed. Wrapping an arm around Hunk’s wide shoulders, I squeezed. 

“Me too, my friend, me too.” Hunk near bawled, smile wide and almost bigger than his face.


	14. Work, fight, and kill

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I freaked out and thought I had posted a wrong chapter last week, so sorry about that. I deleted chapter 13 only to realized that was indeed the right chapter. But anyways, here's 14! Comments and kudos fuel me, if you like it, let me know!

I was with Lance, Keith, and Allura. Some kind of training exercise, but we were tearing at the seams. The three worked well together, as long as they could forget I was around. Allura, I’d heard, had been briefly attached to Lotor-eight. Which explained her harsh treatment of my partner, while also sending something possessive tingling through me. I had to remind myself that my Lotor was just that- mine. 

Keith and Lance seemed to just be annoyed with me. Outright hate had been replaced with a kind of annoyed alliance- like kids being forced to play with someone. My presence threw a wrench into their battle chemistry, which was why we were doing this in the first place. I tolerated the princess’s haughty attitude only because Lotor had asked me to behave. That, and I was going to prove myself better than her, one way or another. 

I cut down a training bot and whirled to stop the second’s blade. Blue phaser fire took it down and I was moving on. Lance and Allura were back to back, with Keith and I working in a circle around them. Offence and defence in turns, the close and far range attacks seemed to be working. Then Allura tripped up and a bot slipped past their guard. Abandoning my post, I dove and severed the limbs and then the head. 

But our cohesion was shattered. Allura started yelling, claiming she didn’t need help, Lance was shouting as the bots saw the breach and closed in, Keith was yelling for back up- it was a mess. I turned my back on Allura, keeping my side from being split by an over-achieving bot. Swords locked, I shifted my balance and kicked, following closely, not giving it time to breath. Two slashes and it was down. 

Glancing around, I noticed I was alone. And separated from the group by three bots, red eyes all on me. I grit my teeth and readied my scimitar. 

“Keith, watch your six!” I bellowed, plowing forward. If he replied, I didn’t hear it, too consumed with my own fight. My world narrowed, becoming blocks, parries, slashes, and cuts. One by one, I sliced through limbs, took out legs, chopped down on heads. Breathing hard, I leaped back into the fray. Covering Keith’s back again, I smiled. All teeth and sharp eyes, I felt it rising, rushing over me, swamping my mind.

“Enough,” Shiro’s voice cut through the fog. I blinked and staggered to a stop, trying to reign in my heart. I recalled La’han and propped my hands on my hips, breathing deep. I’d gotten better at keeping the battle haze away; it took longer for it to consume me. It was part of the reason I was doing this, that and the paladin’s needed to brush up on their fighting skills because they- and by extension, Lotor and I- were going on a mission soon. Striking against one of the small factions of the post-Zarkon empire that still stood. Or something. I’d zoned out during the mission briefing. 

“What makes you think it’s okay to break formation? If you’d done that in battle, we’d all be dead!” Allura strode up to me, voice high and full of embarrassed rage. Deadly calm, I looked her in the eye.

“Princess, that pride is going to get everyone around you killed,” I watched my words hit her, then turned and walked out of the room. I’d had enough of her. I’d lost track of how long we’d been here, but her attitude remained the same, save that she opted to ignore me when she could. I rolled my shoulder, trying to keep the post-battle stiffness at bay.

I made my way to the library, sitting in a dark corner. The table I’d chosen was covered in books; some open to rune-like scrawls, others closed and tossed haphazardly aside. Dust clung to the spines and pages. How long had it been since they’d been touched? I dragged a finger along a rune, tracing the somewhat familiar shape. Sharply curving, I felt like I’d seen it somewhere. But, I’d learned and forgotten so many languages. Small stints on worlds called for a very brief usage of the native tongues. I tapped the page and sat back in the chair, pressing my lips together.

I missed the days it was just Lotor and me. Just us against the world, not caring about what anyone else thought. Not pandering to abrasive attitudes or dealing with stuffy people. Just the two of us, a cruiser with fuel and supplies, and the universe stretched out in front of us. Those were the days. 

Of course, there were good things here, too. Hunk’s cooking, Pidge’s sass, Shiro’s helping hand. And the peace. Peace I hadn’t felt since before Mystinn. I sighed, scuffing a hand through my lengthening hair. The brown locks were healthier than they’d been in a while. That was another thing; constant access to baths and food. I smiled ruefully. Despite Allura’s bruised pride, Keith and Lance’s hesitant trust, and the fact that Lotor would be shunned wherever he went in this reality right now, the good points still held a greater sway. 

I’d seen Lo smile and laugh with Hunk, brainstorm and calculate with Pidge, spar with Shiro. He had even managed to talk to Coran about the Castle’s history. It was something he’d glowed about for days afterward. That, and Lotor was somehow convinced he could work hard enough that people would see him differently. Where he got his endless energy for things like that, I’d never known. 

“Ah, there you are,” Lotor’s voice was a welcome sound. I opened my eyes and smiled. Lotor dropped into the chair beside me. “You did well, your time’s gone from three minutes to five.” His praise was only out shone by his smile. Pride, joy, affection, all aimed at me. I squinted and raised a hand.

“Its! Too! Bright!” I strained my voice, turning my head and laughing. Lotor snorted and batted my hand down, slinging his arm over my shoulders and pulling me against his side. 

“I’m serious! You’re doing so well!” I could hear his grin, even tucked into him as I was. I pressed myself closer.

“Well, thanks, but I’ve got a ways to go,” I muttered, a proud blush dusting my cheeks. 

“Ah, but I have no doubt you’ll conquer it like you’ve conquered everything else in your way,” Lotor dismissed my dour words. I sighed, happy to be in the circle of his arms. For a while, we just sat, happy to be with each other and safe. But Shiro’s voice over the intercoms ended the moment far too soon. 

“Solara, Lotor, meet us in the control room to debrief before the mission.” I gave Lotor an unimpressed look, but stood and lead the way to the center of the Castle’s operations. This was going to be sooo fun. 

Gathered in the control room were the paladins. In the middle, a large holo galra cruiser. Shiro smiled and waved a hand, sending the ship spinning.

“Alright, listen up. This is a galra cargo ship inbound for Triylst. On board are several tons of high grade explosives. Refined, they’ll be the fuel for phasers and ammunition for photon canons. This ship passes into our range of effect. We’ll be raiding it for two reasons: to hinder whatever galra commander plans with it and to repurpose those explosives for the rebel cause,” Short and to the point, as always, Shiro managed to convey the fact that he was in total control and instil a sense of excitement in the people around him. Lotor and I reserved our sense of victory for after the mission, like we always did. Shiro turned to me. “You will be piloting one of the shuttles, Solara. We can’t afford to have someone as experienced as you sit on the sidelines. Not for something as big as this.” Shiro plowed over the complaints. I narrowed my eyes. If he considered a raid like this big…

But I gave a short nod. “Yes, sir.” I swallowed bile. Dragged into another war not our own. I felt Lotor stiffen behind me, becoming less flesh and more marble. I kept my eyes forward, ignoring him. I had little choice. We were still glorified prisoners. I hadn’t forgotten that, despite most of the paladin’s warming attitudes. 

“Lotor will stay here and direct your passage into the cruiser as well as keep an eye on your surroundings,” Shiro continued, “Keith and Lance, the black and red lions will accompany Solara and give additional cover as needed. The rest of us will be the distraction.” With that, we were adjourned. Lotor did a sharp about face and all but stormed out of the room. I followed after meeting both Keith’s and Lance’s eyes. 

I knew where he’d be. It was where I found solace, where I knew no one else would be. So I made my way to the viewing deck and leaned against the wall, waiting for Lotor to gather himself. Watching him was like watching a storm gathering. I could feel his wrath in the air, almost see him shimmer in rage. Just like the thunderstorms on Earth, I could breath the potential energy in.

Finally, Lotor turned and I saw his war face. Smooth and emotionless, he wore it fighting. Standing straight, I squared my shoulders, pulling my own war face. Too calm, I felt the air shift from storm on the horizon to the middle of a typhoon. 

“What do you think you’re doing?” He snarled.

“Accepting a mission,” I replied.

“You are going into a war you have nothing to do with!”

“What else have we been doing? That is all we do!”

“I cannot protect you from the wrong side of a screen! Solara, if a portal opens in the castle, we will have missed our chance to leave.”

“Lotor, I can’t say no. We are still prisoners. They may have relaxed the leash, but they still do not trust us,” I pointed to the doors, trying to keep my voice level. But fights with Lotor were not fights. The were wars, fought just the same as the ones on Frith, Kryinic, Mystinn. 

“They cannot force you to. No one can,” He crossed the room in three quick strides, standing tall over me. I didn’t feel fear, only the want to make him understand, make him not afraid.

“They can, Lotor. They have you,” I whispered. Lotor sighed and searched my face, trying to find an argument there; some reason that would win him the fight, some thing to say to sway me. But I was right. For all the kindness, for all the trust afforded to us, we were still captured. This side of willing, but captured still. Lotor grabbed my arms, leaning in close. 

“I can’t lose you. I won’t live through it. Anything else- everything else, but not you. You don’t carry just your life, Solara.”

“I know,” I folded myself into his embrace, holding onto my anchor, my sanity, “You hold more than just your soul, Lotor.” There was nothing I could say to make this better, but I could give him some measure of comfort. Something to hang onto to fight the fear with. I’d never given something and not taken it back. It was a promise I would come back. He had something of mine, I had something of his. We would find our way back to each other, one way or another. We’d return for what was ours.


	15. Revelations, terrors, and breaking points

I barrel-rolled, keeping out of reach of the Galra lasers. The Altean cruiser was fast, but too bulky. Made in peace-times, it wasn’t fit for fighting. 

“Keith, do something!” I ordered, jerking the control stick again. Being a war pilot had ensured that motion sickness was a thing of the past, but fear-sickness was a very real possibility. Three explosions and a red lion announced my returned, relative, safety. I tuned out the voices in my ear, concentrating on getting behind the Galra ship and into the launch hanger. 

Get in, get the explosives, get out. Then blow the ship and anyone in it up. Simple. Something was going to go wrong. I set the ship down and popped the hatch, jumping out. For now, the hanger was empty, all available ship-bots currently fighting and trying to capture the lions. Shiro’s plan to split the lions up and give me two for protection had been tossed out the preverbal window almost immediately. The Galra had locked on the lions and it was all I could do to split off and sneak aboard. 

Ducking around crates, I held my gun tight. In zero-g, the glock would do nothing, but there hadn’t been a spare phaser, so I’d made due with Lotor’s weapon. What happened to mine, I had no clue, but I think I’d left it in the seventh reality. Oh, well. I pressed my hand to the door and slipped in, feeling weight return to my bones. I rolled my shoulder and flicked off the gun’s safety. 

“Lotor,” I murmured. At once, his voice was quietly leading me through the maze of the ship’s insides. Even inside my helmet, sound carried. We’d seen enough people be betrayed by too-loud comrades to make the same mistake. Twists and turns, I padded down the halls, waiting for something to go wrong. But I made it to the belly of the ship without incident and spotted several human-sized cylinders and crates stacked in two corners. There were Galran glyphs slapped in bright purple against the cylinders, all saying the same thing.

‘Do not touch. Extremely volitile.’ I huffed a sigh through my nose but turned and locked the room down, disabling the door with a blast. 

“Shiro, I’m in. I see the explosives. I recommend immediate extraction.” For a moment, my words went unanswered, then Pidge’s voice crackled over the comms.

“Understood, stay where you are, I’m going in.” The smaller girl’s voice was tinny from Galran tech interference, but she sounded confident. I tapped my helmet twice, putting my view of things up for Lotor’s screen. 

“Come in through the south wall, but be careful. These will blow if any kind of pressure hits them,” I warned. 

“Got it, get ready,” She replied. I backed away and holstered my glock, trying to find something to hold on to. Whenever Pidge burst through the wall, I was going to be sucked toward her. Hopefully she’d turn off the gravity field first. 

“Hey!” I rolled away from the phaser fire. Of all the times! I ducked behind a crate, hoping that the soldier wouldn’t be dumb enough to blow us all up. Or patriotic enough. Those two were surprisingly close with the Galra under Zarkon, though. I checked my gun, noting that I had five bullets. 

“Of all the times-” I snarled and cocked the gun. I had my sword. I had a gun. I had me. That was enough. If it wasn’t I was going to die here and take Lotor with me. So, I had to live. I took a breath and stood, turning to aim- I pulled the trigger. I watched the guard fall and then I was moving. Up the crates and over the balcony banister where the guard had snuck up on me. There was a small room bordered by a five by five balcony, something I’d overlooked in favor of securing the explosives. I holstered my gun again and took the phaser rifle form the body, feeling its heft. This could work. Yeah, this was good. 

“ETA Pidge?” I asked, shooting the door control. No one was going to surprise me again. “Pidge?” I felt it, then. The other shoe. The door below me caved in, soldiers pouring in. I let Galran curses fly and took a knee, firing as fast as I could. But there were too many too fast and I was alone. They crawled up the crates and over the banister. I pressed myself against the door, shooting them still. Finally, I had to abandon the gun. I chucked it at a bot and leaped after it, pulling my scimitar and slicing my way through. Lotor’s breath was in my ear, his panicked silence all I could hear over my own heart. 

I knew he was trying to keep silent to allow me to concentrate. I knew how terrified he must be feeling, but there wasn’t anything we could do but let me fight and get back to him. I jumped over the railing and tucked into a roll, hitting the ground and taking off through the door. I was in the clear so long as I could evade and lead the bots on a merry chase. The ship was a maze, one they knew- but they couldn’t get into the vents. I ran at a wall, pushing off one and then another, stabbing at the vent cover. I only had seconds, I needed this off- it fell to the ground and I threw myself into the square hole. 

“Turn left, Solora,” Lotor murmured to me. I followed his directions until I heard her voice. The voice I knew. Last time, it’d been warped and raised, screaming at us to run, flee, hide. I hissed loudly, trying to cover it and tapped my helmet twice. Lotor would not see this. He would not hear this. 

“Lotor, close your ears. Put someone else on. Now,” I demanded. He protested, but I knew my feed had been up for both Allura and Coran to see. Lotor’s voice was cut off and replaced with Coran’s.

“Solara? What’s going on? What about the explosives?” The aid sounded concerned, but I ignored it, crawling forward a few feet until I could see her. I swallowed hard. This was going to break him. 

“Coran, get Lotor out of the control room. Now. Abandon the mission. Call everyone back,” I could hear several protests, but I just repeated my message. There was nothing I could do, holding her eyes like I was. I’d been found, she was calling for reinforcements, and her yellow eyes pinned me in the duct I was laying in. 

In the eighth reality, I’d found the one person who meant more to Lotor than I did. Honerva was standing below me, hunched, emaciated, and twisted, but still so heart-wreakingly recognizable. Lotor’s mother was here, but she wasn’t Honerva anymore. She was Haggar- the witch the Paladins had cursed so many times before. My helmet screen faded as two soldiers pulled me from the vent,I would face her face-to-face. I bit my tongue and held her eyes.

“Where is my son?”


	16. Aftermaths, ruins, defeat

The Honerva I’d known had been small, scared, weakened by hunger and desperation. This one was none of those things. She was angry, bent, and full of magic. Her hands lifted in a warning, black lightning crackling between her fingers. I tried to see her as I’d seen other mirrors- detached, a separate person, wholly alone and without strings. But I kept hearing her screams, her pleading. I kept feeling the fear of discovery, Lotor’s hand holding mine in a bruising grip. I dragged in a shaky breath. I blinked hard. 

“Where is Prince Lotor?” Honerva- no, Haggar stepped closer, hand still crooked with black energy. I just stared at her. Death would take me long before I considered giving him to this farce of Honerva. Haggar snarled and shoved her hand toward me, black energy crackling and clawing at my stomach. I bit down on the scream, but it scoured my throat raw. I’d been hit with a lot of things, but this was new. Only the two guards kept me from hitting the ground. 

“Take her to a holding cell and focus everything on those lions. I want them all,” She snarled, turning away. I swirled the spit and blood around in my mouth, but in the end, hacked it onto the ground. Even now I couldn’t bring myself to dishonor Honerva like that. 

The cell was small and square, nothing save gravity to tell what was floor, wall, or ceiling. I wasn’t put in chains for the simple reason that there was no way to get out from the inside. I breathed in deep and tried to keep the memories away. But I could smell the burning house, hear the frightened screams, see Lotor sobbing. I blinked hard, staring at the metal walls. If I got dragged under and away, I would utterly loose myself. There was no other option. I had to keep myself grounded. Anchor myself. It was going to hurt. Tugging at my suit’s neckline, I started to type in the decompression code.

Tramping feet gave me pause. Coming closer to my cell- I pulled up my collar and pressed the compression button just as the footsteps stopped and my cell door opened. Two tall druids and a handful of droids circled the doorway. These people didn’t waste any time, did they?

“You are coming with us,” One of the druids announced. I twisted my mouth and marched forward. Arguing wasn’t a safe option. Down several halls and up a few flights, we stepped off the lift and up to a giant door. It opened with a hiss, Hon- Haggar on the other side. She stood in front of a slab of metal; and from the four limb restraints, I wagered this was a torture rack. Maybe a table, if it was able to tilt back and lay down. I squared my shoulders and gave Haggar my best unimpressed look. 

“You know, you really send the wrong message when you send for a prisoner so soon after capture.” I got a snarl, but nothing else. “Almost like I’m too important to waste time with. Your empire falling to pieces, no heir to stop it- and you summon me so soon. What does that say, I wonder?” That drew Haggar up short. 

“The empire will rise again, with Prince Lotor at it’s helm,” She hissed. “And you’re going to tell me where he is. Voltron knows his location and soon, so will I.” I shook my head and sighed, but didn’t say anything more. I knew where he was. This reality’s Lotor. But Haggar wouldn’t see him again. He was gone. Haggar snapped an order and the druids dragged me to the rack, the restraints closing shut with a bone shaking click. I balled my fists, trying to keep myself in the here and now. Not back then. Not in Mistynn. At least the pain of the torture would center me. Maybe. I grit my teeth and summoned the battle haze as the druids tapped at the control panel. The charging hum told me the first wave would be electricity. So be it. 

The torture began with a flip of a switch. For a while, I held strong. The battle haze kept me silent even through the first level. Then the first scream broke loose and I was lost to the sounds. I screamed and screamed and screamed. After each shock, always a little longer than the last, there was an insidious break. Haggar asked the same question in each lull. She tried to cajole me into talking, but only twice. 

“Very well,” She said, venom dripping from her lips, “Let pain be your persuasion.” She lifted her hands and black lightning sizzled over me. My mind fled the pain. I came back to myself knowing she’d pulled something from me. Some knowledge. Some memory. Not what she wanted, but something worse. 

“Maybe this will incense you to cooperate,” Haggar said, hands cupping a sphere. In it, I saw wheat fields, a ruined city, and bodies. Tears filled my eyes and spilled over my cheeks. A friend had once said, ‘It’s shame that eats a man alive.’ The Kettdemian was right. I felt it shred my mind, swallow my heart, rend what was left of my spirit. I clenched my teeth and bowed my head. But did not break. 

“You may find horror in my head,” I croaked, “But to break me you will have to create a new host of monsters.” I lifted my head enough to catch Haggar’s eyes. “Because what can you make me see that I haven’t?” I saw real astonishment then, in Haggar’s gold eyes. It almost made all this worth it. Then the very air seemed to shiver. Distant shudders and howling alarms filled the silence. I bit my tongue and swirled the blood in my mouth. This wasn’t Honerva. I could see that now. I spit hard, grinning as the wad of blood hit the hem of her robes. My teeth stained red, I was a new shade of garish. 

“You’d better run,” I advised, “Who knows what’s at your door.” Haggar hissed and snapped out of existence. I stared at the black smoke, then glanced at the druids. They were silent, but it felt like they’d shared confused glances. I sighed gustily, lowering my head and staring at the door. I opened my right hand. “La’han, strivvik.” I felt the answering hum. My scimitar sliced through the door, embedding itself next to my head. The table lost power, restraints popping open. 

Quicker than a blink, I’d snatched my scimitar, dropped into a roll and was out the door. I had no weapons on my belt, but I had me. I had La’han. That was enough. I surprised two guards and cut them down before they could squeak. Sheathing my sword, I picked up a gun. Twirling it about, I tested it out on the bot running at me. Hard recoil, but I’d had worse. The trigger was smooth and the phaser fire was powerful. I grabbed the second gun at my feet and shoved in between my back and my belt. Clunky, but I’d need it before the end of this. From what I remembered of the ship’s schematics, I needed to take a left, then two rights.

I heard the fight before I found it. Phaser fire, shouted orders, cries of pain and anger. My entrance was a showstopper. I leaped, spring-boarding off some galra officer and hit the ground rolling. I twisted into a standing position and shot two, three times. That gave us a small breather. I turned back to the paladins, counting Pidge, Hunk, and Keith to my surprise. 

“What took you so long?” I asked, panting. Keith looked affronted.

“They warped off. It took a little time to find you,” He scowled. But by this time, I was convinced that was just his face. 

“Lotor nearly tore our faces off, when we came back without you. Said you’d kicked him off your screen and told us to abandon the mission,” Pidge stood, “What gives?”

“I’ll explain when we get off this ship,” I answered grimly. Hunk looked a little green.

“That was a cool entrance, but you just…” 

“We don’t have time for this,” I snapped, pushing past the big teen, “You can talk at me when we’re back in the castle.” I led the way to the galran control room. If we didn’t sabotage this ship, my capture was for nothing. Getting there was no problem. Shooting the room to nothing was easy. Our snag came when we tried to leave. 

“The green lion is right-” I pulled the small paladin out of the phaser’s path and hit the ground shooting. A yelp of pain told me I’d hit my target. The groaning told me it wasn’t fatal. 

“Leaving so soon?” A voice crooned from down the hall. I hissed and shoved my comrades around the corner, kicking Keith when he tried to fight me. Black lighting hit my exposed back. I screamed, high and loud. Numb fingers fumbled with my weapon, letting it clatter to the ground. “We’re not done yet.” Haggar crowed. On my knees, I could see horror painted on the three paladin’s faces. I wouldn’t let them face her. They couldn’t win against the witch’s magic. Slowly, I got one foot under me, then another. ‘Run.’ I mouthed. Then I turned to face her. 

Rage crackled along her fingers, shining in her gold eyes. I could still see Lotor’s mother in Haggar’s gaunt features. Once upon a time, she’d been beautiful. Now she had only harsh anger and twisted obsession. I pulled my sword, holding it in a reversed grip. 

“You won’t find him,” I said, “You’re son is gone. Let go-” Haggar vanished and reappeared, hand slamming into my chest. I flew back, hitting the wall hard enough to bounce off and onto the floor. I coughed, but raised my head. “Let go. It’s over. Zarkon is dead. Your time is over.” Haggar’s rage intensified. But in her singular focus on me, the three others had disappeared without a fight. I got to my feet once more. 

But I knew they’d be back. They’d be getting help, not running. And Lotor would be right behind them. I needed to finish this before he saw her. I wouldn’t let him break a second time. I raised my sword and charged. 

Hammering the shield between us, I pushed Haggar back. Step by step by step she gave ground. I twisted, kicking and hacking with everything I had. How long had it been since they’d left? A minute? Two? They’d be back soon. I flipped my sword and pommel smashed the shield, watching it splinter and shatter. She was tiring, but not fast enough. My sword swept through smoke. I turned and caught Haggar’s outstretched hand, holding fast as she tried to pull away. My sword sliced up. Haggar reeled back. Lotor turned the corner, gun raised. 

“No-!” In the small second of my slip of concentration, Haggar clawed my belly and shoved me away, lightning crackling. 

“Solara!” Lotor bellowed. I rolled across the floor, somehow coming up standing. Haggar turned and Lotor put her head in his cross-hairs. Silence hung in the air, thick and poignant for a second. 

“Mother?” Lotor whispered. His voice was small and broken, belonging to the lost child he’d once been. Haggar’s hands lowered. I saw my chance. My heart caved into itself as I moved. Up and over, I swung my leg into Haggar’s side, turning full circle with the momentum and running at Lotor. His eyes were still on the being that had once been his mother. I crouched, dug my shoulder into his stomach, wrapped my arm around his waist, and kept running, lugging him over my shoulder. He was so much heavier than me, and taller by far, but he was too shocked to fight me. 

It was three halls before he could find it in himself to struggle. I dropped him and leaned against the wall, feeling my wounds. Painful, but shallow, like paper cuts. I’d be asleep for a day or two to work it off. Lotor turned watery eyes on me. I held his gaze for a moment, then I shook my head. It wasn’t her. Not really. Maybe it had been once, but she had long since ceased to be Honerva. Lotor swallowed hard, face to the floor, then he turned and started running. I followed after, trying to keep pace. Inevitably, I started to lag behind, but the voice of Pidge and Hunk piped up from around the corner. 

“Lotor! Did you find- Solara!” Pidge’s face broke out in a smile, but it faltered when I didn’t give one in return. Silently, we filed into the green lion’s mouth. Lotor and I kept out of the cockpit, though we could hear Pidge’s report to Shiro. I watched Lotor as he leaned against the wall, head bowed, shoulders curled inward. He was defeated. Tears slipped down my face, but I made no move to comfort him. He wasn’t ready. 

When we reached the castle, Lotor stepped down and away from the group. They’d gathered to welcome us back, but stopped short at our faces. 

“What went wrong?” Allura asked, sharp eyes flicking from Lotor to me to the three paladins behind us. Lotor strode off without and answer. I took a step, then halted. I needed to wait. It wasn’t time yet. 

“I-” I cleared the thick, gummy emotion from my throat, “I was caught by Haggar and she tried to get information from me. It didn’t go her way, then you showed up and I ran for it. I met Pidge and Hunk and Keith and we sabotaged the control room. We tried to get back to the lion, but Haggar caught up with us. I fought and Lotor found us.” I bowed my head, then looked at Allura, “I should have been faster. But he saw Haggar and I had to get us both away. We found the lion and came back.” Allura frowned. I ripped off my helmet and swept the small fly-away hairs off my face. My braid was close to coming undone. 

Lotor’s screams bounced off the walls. Broken wails echoed all around me. I fell to my knees and pressed my face into my hands. I shook with sobs. The others stood transfixed. Each sound made me curl deeper into myself. I’d tried. I’d tried so hard! And yet, we had still come back here. A particularly heartbroken shriek had me shifting into a stand. I followed the wretched sounds, pulling off my white space suit as I walked, until I found him in the training room, clothes torn, bots shredded, and fists bloody. 

Lotor’s face was a ruin of tears, bloodshot eyes, and bloody mouth. His fangs had pierced both lip and tongue, but he was too far gone to feel the pain. I swallowed my tears and stepped up, blocking a punch meant for the already dented wall. Red smears showed he’d been at it for a while. Lotor didn’t see me. He was lost to his grief. But his body wanted to fight, to rid itself of the horrid feelings somehow. He struck again and again, lashing out with strength normally reserved for enemies. I ducked, dodged, and tried to avoid his fists, but we knew each other and he was faster than me. 

I felt the punches land on my ribs, my stomach, my forearms. If he hit my face, I’d be unconscious. I rolled under and away from Lotor’s haymaker, forcing him back to the middle of the room. He’d backed me into the wall and I needed room. Slowly, Lotor’s attacks became sluggish. He stumbled, then fell to his knees. I dropped to mine in front of him and pulled at his shoulders. Lotor slumped into me, weeping. 

Hesitantly, Lotor lifted his arms, hands passing over my ribs and to my back. Gently at first, then he dug them into my shirt, grip shifting to bruising. His arms locked around me and I wrapped mine around his neck, burying my face in his hair. Lotor’s frame shook with his cries. I pulled him as close as I could, pressing myself to him. I couldn’t fight this. I couldn’t take it from him. 

But I could tell him he wasn’t alone. I wouldn’t let him shoulder this by himself. I heard murmurs, but no one intruded. They left us to grieve.


	17. Stories, scars, softness

It took days for Lotor to speak. All the time, I sat by his bed, making him drink water and sip at broth. None of the others knew what was happening. They’d asked me, but I couldn’t tell them. I didn’t have the heart. 

“Solara,” Lotor rasped. I lifted my head and met his eyes. Red rimmed and puffy, but they were clear. He was back. I stroked his cheek, smiling softly. 

“Hey,” I murmured, “Hey.” He swallowed and I helped him lift his head to drink from the cup I’d kept by the bed. Lotor glanced around the room then back at me. I petted back his hair, waiting for him to speak.

“It wasn’t a dream,” He said, “I saw her.” I pressed my lips together, but nodded.  
“Lo, I’m sorry. I tried-,” My voice broke, but I struggled on, “I tried to spare you. I’m sorry.” No apology would ever be enough. No words would ever fill the hole he held in his heart. Lotor closed his eyes and let out a soft breath. He squeezed my hand. Silence reigned, then he turned over, facing the wall and releasing my hand. I stood and, pressing a kiss to the side of his head, left the room. I’d been given permission to tell the others- he’d never be able to speak about it. The only reason I knew was because I’d seen it. The story had never crossed his lips, not even in reference. 

I found the paladins at the dinning table, talking about trade routes and the coalition’s popularity across the various galaxies. They stopped when I entered the room. Rubbing my face with a hand, I sat in an empty chair. For a moment, I held strong, then the tears came. Silent but steady, they streamed down my face. 

“Is he awake?” Lance asked. I nodded and leaned my elbows on the table, trying to compose myself. 

Finally, I spoke. “When I first landed on Dibaazal-three, I was captured by Zarkon and thrown in the dungeon. I picked my way out of the locks and ran into a group of renegades. They were storming the castle, trying to find me. Lotor was with them. Joining up was the best option. Once we got to their camp, I was introduced to the everyone and Lotor formally. He was the disgraced prince, working to overthrow his father and put a better, more democratic system in place. For three weeks, I was just a drifter, waiting for a portal to open. But then I got to know people and Lotor in particular. He-he was hated. Some thought he was going to try and take the throne. Some thought he was a traitor. Some just hated him for his father’s blood. 

“But I saw him differently. He was kind. He was soft-spoken. He worked harder than anyone else, waking earlier, going to bed later, doing more than any one person. He hated his father, wanted Zarkon’s tyranny to end. Lo took the worst missions. The most dangerous ones, the ones no one came back from- and he did. He came back every time.” I laughed wetly and sat up, staring at my lap. I remembered the small feelings of relief that had accompanied his returns. I remembered how they grew into large, body slumping waves. I remembered the worries that grew and twisted my muscles and dragged at my mind, until I started joining him. 

“And…Haggar? Where does she fit in?” I almost didn’t recognize Allura’s voice, it being soft instead of sharp. I sniffed.

“I knew her as Honerva. Lotor had kept her hidden from everyone. Even me. But there was one mission that went sideways. He’d been hurt and there wasn’t time to get him back to base. He was going to bleed out long before we’d get any help. So, he led me to his home. The one secret he’d kept from everyone. He trusted me with it. I still don’t know why, but I know that with anyone else, he’d have chosen to die rather than give her up.”

“Why?” Lance asked, head cocked to the side. I tapped a finger on the table, trying to stay in control.

“Zarkon, when he still had control over Lotor and Honerva, was abusive. He was hate and poison. When they finally escaped, Lotor had to keep his mother safe- away from spies and traitors. And the best way to keep a secret is to tell no one you have one,” I shrugged. 

“So…why is he here with you?” Keith finally asked the one question they were all thinking. I sighed.

“Because someone found her. Zarkon found her. He tried to take both of them back, but Honerva hid Lotor and I, before Zarkon could. She fought him, let us get away. Then he burned the house down with her in it,” I finished with a whisper. Horror was on every face. Hunk sat back, fork on the table, looking sick. With my story told, I stood and walked to the doorway, only turning to speak over my shoulder. “Don’t look for us tomorrow.” Then I walked back to our room slowly, trying to keep the screams from my ears. I breathed in air, then smoke, then air again. 

I climbed into bed, sliding next to Lotor and wrapping my arm around his waist, hand to his heart. The only reaction was his larger hand covering mine. I pressed my face to his shoulder and tried not to dream. 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

_I dragged him out of the canyon, his longer limbs trailing along the dirt. Hiking his body further up my back, I readjusted my hold on his legs and kept walking. _

_“Come on, Lotor, stay with me,” I muttered. His breath puffed unevenly by my ear. This mission was a disaster. It was supposed to be a recon. A simple set up and watch. But we’d been spotted somehow. Snipers had taken a few shots and one was lucky enough to hit Lotor. Not lucky enough to actually hit his heart, though. Dusk was closing in, blanketing the land in shadow. I bit back a curse and paused. Keep moving and risk loosing my footing in the dark or stop and risk being found by the enemy? My legs began to tremble. I swallowed back my fatigue and started walking. _

_“’Lara,” Lotor slurred. _

_“Hush, let me walk,” I ordered softly. No stars, no moon yet, the clouds were working against me._

_“’Lara,” Lotor said again. His voice was stronger now._

_“What?”_

_“Get to the mountain,” He gestured weakly to the mountain range to my right. I frowned, wondering if he’d lost enough blood finally to start hallucinating. I’d bandaged the wound as well as I could, but- “Not delusional. Not yet. Jus’ get to the mountain.” I glanced at him from the corner of my eye. His eyes glowed faintly, even as the night closed in around us in earnest. I bit my lip and hesitated. I…I didn’t actually have anywhere else to go, so…_

_Turning to the right, I started towards the mountains. They were miles away, but I didn’t have a choice. The desert was silent, no insects or night animals. I tried not to see that as a bad omen. Dizabaal didn’t have the ecosystem Earth-one did. _

_Slowly, the mountains grew. Sometime near midnight, the cloud cover finally broke, and one of the moons shone through, bright as daylight. I blinked the sweat out of my eyes, walking more confidently now that I could see the ground ahead of me. That’s when my knees buckled. We hit the dirt hard. I sucked in air, trying to stop my lungs from spasming. _

_“Where- how far did you walk?” Lotor groaned. He was looking up and around, so he wasn’t lost yet. _

_“I don’t know, I just walked toward the mountains,” I panted. Lotor squinted at me._

_“There’s no way you’re that strong. I weigh almost three times what you do.”_

_I scowled. “I don’t have a choice. It’s move or die.” I heaved in a deep breath and rolled to my hands and feet. Crawling to Lotor, I heaved him onto my back once more. Lurching into a standing position, I started onward again. Step after step after step. I put my head down and just kept walking. In the monotony, everything faded but my weariness. _

_I stumbled, harder than a normal trip warranted. Looking up, I started. We’d reached the mountain. _

_“Lotor, hey, Lotor. What now?” I shrugged my shoulder, prompting him to open tired eyes. _

_“Cleft, north. Crevice. Inside,” He muttered. I scowled. North. Great. I glanced upwards, finding the Dizabaal equivalent of Polaris and reoriented myself. _

_“You couldn’t just say left?” I asked. Warm wind blustered by, making the giant wet spot down my side all the more evident. I jostled Lotor again, repeating my question. _

_“What difference does it make?” _

_“Left is a lot easier than north. I had to find it via stars, Lotor.”_

_“Mental stimulation.”_

_“I’m already getting enough stimulation, thanks,” I could hear Lotor’s voice getting stronger as we spoke. My steps were heavy, but I felt better about walking to some mysterious place. If he was lucid enough to argue and not slur, he was lucid enough to give me real directions. I almost missed the cleft. In the dark, it looked like every other shadow. I hesitated, wondering if this was it, or if there was a different one. My pause shook my knees. _

_“Here. Inside,” Lotor said. I nodded, though he couldn’t see it. His face was pressed to my shoulder, probably from fatigue, but his wound had to be hurting. It was just before dawn when Lotor spoke again. “That crevice.” _

_I turned to the right and stopped. It wasn’t a crevice, it was an indent in the mountain’s side. Lotor lifted a hand and- it passed right through the rock. Camo tech. I huffed a laugh and stepped past the veil. Light assaulted my eyes. After so long in the dark, I blinked against the sudden brilliance. Finally, a small house with cheery yellow windows formed. I swallowed the tears that came from knowing my horrible journey was at an end and trudged up to the door. _

_Knocking would mean letting go of Lotor’s legs and that would only result in both of us falling. Instead, I kicked at the door and resolved to apologize later. Scurrying footsteps, then the door opened. Lifting my head, I saw a woman. I blinked away the weariness and understood. There was too much Lotor in her face- or rather, too much of this woman in Lotor, for her to be anyone but his mother. _

_“Wh- Lotor!” She reached for her son, but hesitated and almost pulled me inside, “Come on, quickly, we can’t leave the door open too long. Straight ahead there’s a bed. Lay him there.” I followed the directions and rolled Lotor onto the low bed. I moved his limbs to a more comfortable position, heard the woman step into the door and then everything caught up with me. I tipped backward and felt nothing else. _

_\--_

_When I woke up, I was on the ground, a pillow under my head. Lotor’s mother was sitting in a chair beside Lotor’s bed. She was holding his hand and crying silently. I heaved myself up and checked his wound. _

_“He hasn’t woken up since you fell over,” She sniffled. I nodded. The wound was dressed in clean cloth, not the hurried field dressing I’d given it on the canyon cliff. But his blood was still sluggishly seeping through the gauze. I pressed my lips together, making peace with the only option I had left. _

_“It’s been open too long. We need to close it and quickly. I’ve already dug the bullet out, but he’s not out of the sands yet,” I said. I felt her eyes on me, but I focused on Lotor. “I need a sanitized knife, heated to the point of glowing. I need to wash my hands- you should, too- and he needs something to bite down on unless you have strong medicine. Or drink.” _

_Her silence was palpable, but finally, she sighed. “Yes, I have both drink and medicine. Come, my kitchen is this way; you can choose a knife and I’ll heat it while you wash up.” Only a little surprised, I dragged myself away from Lotor’s prone form and followed his mother. _

_The house was small, quaint, and cozy. It could have been a home, if not for the bareness. No pictures on the walls, no nick-knacks on shelves, no personality or feel of being lived in. A fire roared in the fireplace, rugs covering the wooden floor. It might have been a nice house, but it was a temporary one. I chewed on my cheek, trying not to see too deep into this message. Lotor had never even breathed about a mother. We had all assumed she’d died. But, here she was- and, apparently, I was the only one he’d told. _

_“Why are you cauterizing his wound?” The woman asked as I washed my hands at the sink. I shut the water off and shook my hands dry. _

_“Because you don’t have the things necessary for surgery and I doubt you know how to operate even if you did. This is the fastest and cleanest way to close the wound,” I explained. Gathering everything, we walked back to the room. Hazy indigo eyes peered at me. I smiled. _

_“S’lara,” He said. Setting the alcohol and rags aside, I took his hand and swiped a strand of hair aside. _

_“It’s me. We made it,” I moved aside and let his mother crowd at his face. Any distraction was a good one. Pulling aside the bandages, I pulled the cork from the bottle, sniffed the contents, and dribbled it over Lotor’s chest. He was too out of it to really try and move away from the pain it caused. _

_“Oh, my darling. How did this happen? What have you been doing? Is it worth fighting your father?” Lotor’s mother was near tears, but held them back. I glanced at them and then away. It was too personal, I felt like an intruder. Lotor looked like a lost child. Meanwhile, Lotor’s mother looked so incredibly desperate. _

_“Miss, I need you to heat the knife now. I’ll get everything else ready,” I murmured. _

_“Honvera,” She said thickly, “Call me Honerva.” I nodded and she rose, the cleaver held loosely in her hand. Once she was out of the room, I turned my attention to Lotor. He was in an uneasy sleep. I patted his cheek until fever bright eyes opened. _

_“Drink,” I ordered, pouring the strong drink into his mouth. After a swallow, I gave him two tablets of whatever medicine Honerva had provided. I hoped they were strong. Lotor may have been able to bare the pain clear-minded, but he was nowhere near that now. I was going to need to hold him down. Honerva was too slight to trust to help any. One wrong move and I’d add to his hurt, so I climbed over Lotor and straddled his chest, arms pinned to his sides. Honerva rushed in, knife glowing with heat. _

_I took it and pressed it to his skin. Lotor arched under me, a scream ripping from his lungs. I reacted before Honerva, shoving my arm into his mouth to muffle any other sound. Sharp teeth sunk into my skin. I bit back a cry of my own and just leaned my weight onto the knife. After three seconds, I let up and jerked it over to Honerva. Lotor’s eyes locked with mine, pain clearing most of the fog. _

_“Get that cleaned and get more bandages,” I ordered. Honerva hesitated based on how the floor creaked, but she left. I wiggled my arm pointedly. Lotor relaxed his jaw stiffly, allowing me to lean back. _

_“What did you do?” He rasped. I grinned crookedly. _

_“Just a little brand. Thought it would look cool,” I flexed my fingers, trying to be discreet. But Lotor had always been too sharp. It was what made him so good on missions. _

_“I bit you,” He frowned. _

_I snorted and clamored off him. “You think this is bad? It’s barely a love bite. Go back to sleep. The sooner you heal, the sooner we can get back without anyone coming to look for us.” _

_“For you.”_

_“There is no me without you,” I said over my shoulder as I walked out. I could feel the rivulets of blood streaming down my arm, but I barely bothered with it. Lotor was fine. With how clear his eyes were and how cognizant he was, I had no doubt he’d heal just fine. _

_Honerva didn’t share my opinion. She started violently, eyes going wide at the bite mark. _

_“You’re reckless,” She scolded as she wrapped my arm, sitting us down before the fire, “Doing something like that. He may well have broken bone.” I rolled my eyes but didn’t interrupt her mutterings. “Why…why did he tell you about me?” Her question was soft, hesitant. _

_“He didn’t. Just gave me directions. I didn’t know anything about you until I saw you, what, last night?” Honerva nodded. “No one knows about you. We’d all assumed you were dead, or something. I assume it was to keep you safe- from Zarkon and traitors, or opportunists. But, with how everyone treats him, I wouldn’t be surprised to learn he did it just to keep you out of it all.” I finished, wincing slightly as she tied the knot. _

_“Keep me out of what? How is he treated?” I looked up at the woman, staring at her face as I decided what to say. Her golden irises were bright as coins, pale blue hair bound in a knot at the base of her head. Her cheek markings were pink, something that I found odd, considering Lotor’s were almost invisible. The only times I’d really seen them were when the two moons were mirrored crescents, then they glowed a faint blue. _

_Honerva’s eyes hardened. “How is my son treated?” She asked again. I scratched a scab on my forehead and considered. _

_“I think I’ll let Lotor tell you that.” Honerva worked her jaw, but didn’t say anything to that. She left me in favor of sitting with Lotor, giving me time to think about what had happened. _

_Our mission had been a simple one. Scout the enemy, report back. But something was off. The soldiers had been too lax, too open. That close to enemy lines, they should have been tense with nerves, fingers on triggers. Lotor and I had been blanketed with a camo tech veil, but still the sniper had sighted us. I dropped my face into my palms. We’d been betrayed. Someone had sold us out. Or, rather, sold Lotor out. I’d just gotten caught in the crossfire. Collateral damage. I felt my face twist into a snarl. Someone was going to pay. _

_Who though? Tavel? Keal? Sareil? More likely, it was a group effort. I needed to find the ringleader, then, and show them what happened when- when what? Someone put a hit out on Lotor? Since when did I care so much? I had bigger problems than one person. I had to find a rift, jump through and move on. _

_And I would. I stood and flexed my injured arm. Right after whoever sold us out was dead. After all, they’d involved me, so it was only fair. Lotor and his mother were talking softly in the room, so I walked to the front window, peering out. The day was bright- the kind of bright that only came with being in a desert. I could feel the heat, even through the glass. I pressed my forehead to the panel, still feeling the same bone-deep weariness from last night. A few hours of sleep wouldn’t cure that, especially not on a hardwood floor. _

_“Solara,” Honerva’s voice was full of sadness, but strong, “Come get some sleep. You didn’t get much and if you’re going to move on, you need to be able to walk for many miles.” I frowned at the phrasing, but didn’t argue. Sleep sounded really good right about now. I slumped into the room and onto the pillow I’d left on the ground. _

_“Solara, come up here. There’s no need to sleep on the ground,” Lotor reached a hand, flicking his fingers at me. Sighing, I dragged myself up and onto the bed, a groan of relief slipping from my lips. Lotor had scooted over, but he was big enough and the bed small enough that I was still squished against him. _

_\--_

_The house was shaking apart. Lotor and I leaped to our feet, the both of us shouting. Lotor ran to find Honerva, I darted to the kitchen and started filling a rough spun bag. Food. Water. Lasting things. Dishes fell and shattered. Chairs tipped. The table’s legs, already weak, broke and sent everything on top of it scattering across the ground. _

_“Just run!” Honerva screamed. “Please!” I whirled, finding Lotor looking struck. Honerva’s face was the picture of forced calm. “They cannot look for the both of us at once, his army is stretched too thin for that. You must run!” _

_Swallowing hard, I tied the bag’s corners into a knot and slipped it over my head. Lotor wasn’t going to leave, not without his mother. That wasn’t him. Honerva looked over his shoulder at me. I could read the plea in her eyes loud and clear. He’d hate me for this, but it was that or leave all of us for Zarkon’s people to find._

_I grabbed Lotor’s hand, tugged him into the room we’d slept in and threw the both of us out the window. There had to be a secret back door- Lotor wouldn’t choose a place to hide his mother that only had one exit. As we ran, the light of Zarkon’s ships above showed the small, out of place shadow in the mountain wall. I could hear Lotor choking down sobs behind me. Now was not the time to break, though he was close. We’d almost made it to the secret path when it started. _

_Screams. High, terrified, and female. Lotor froze and nearly wrenched me off the ground. I turned to see him looking back at the house. It was surrounded by armed troops, a few trying to break the door down by the sound of rhythmic thudding. Honerva was distracting them. Keeping the focus on her. I grit my teeth and gripped Lotor’s arm tight, throwing the whole of my weight into getting him moving. _

_Tears slid down his cheeks. I could see his heart breaking. But I wasn’t going to waste Honerva’s gift. Chased by haunting screams, we ran, leaving her behind._

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Pidge’s portal detection machine hadn’t made a sound in days. Sitting in the library’s deepest corner, I bit my lip, rolling ideas over in my head. Either the irregularities had calmed down enough to die down on their own, or the shock waves of this reality’s Lotor had passed out of existence. Or lost power. Or died. Or met an equally powerful force that canceled out their effect. Or or or. Too many options, too little evidence. I tapped my finger on the table.

And Lotor was still grieving. Nightmares plagued him. More often than not he woke up biting back screams. It felt like we were back on Dizabaal-three, in the aftermath. We’d found the traitor, found the co-conspirators, and after blowing each brain out, we’d left the planet. Left it behind and didn’t look back, though maybe we should have.

The both of us had unresolved traumas. My on-going sessions with the medbot proved that. But Lotor’s were so specific that, most of the time, they didn’t present in his waking life. They lived in his dreams, chased away easily enough by me. But I wasn’t stupid. Lotor and I had a bad case of co-dependency, and this mission hadn’t help fix it. 

“She’s not Honerva. She never was…was she?” I looked up from the table, fixing my attention on his face. Lotor was standing next to a bookshelf, looking into what we’d quickly claimed as our corner. His face was drawn and tired, eyes bloodshot. I shook my head. 

“Before he was born, Honerva and Zarkon had been overwhelmed by quintessence madness. She was never the mother you knew.”

“That..is not really comforting.”

“I know.” There was a small pause, one in which I could almost feel Lotor thinking. I propped my chin on folded hands and waited. Finally, he spoke.

“Do you remember Syko-two?” I frowned. Syko-two was my third planet in the second reality. “Do you remember what you told me?” Lotor’s question stirred unpleasant memories, but those were so numerous I barely noticed. 

“I do.” I’d tried to get back to Earth. Tried to steal a shuttle and fly there, despite what everyone said and found nothing. Earth didn’t exist. Blown to bits in some small skirmish during a civil war for the Milky Way. It had left me devastated and lost for many months. That was when I’d finally accepted the mission from Thysal, hoping to get back to my reality. 

Lotor looked like he wanted to say something, but, in the end, decided against it. Instead, he slumped into the chair opposite me. I reached out and tangled our fingers together. 

“I know this is hard,” I started, dipping my head to look into Lotor’s eyes, “But you will get through this. You are strong enough, even though it doesn’t feel like it.” Lotor gave the smallest of smiles.

“I thought that was your role,” He said. I shook my head.

“I’ve never been as strong as you, or as kind, or as compassionate, or-” Lotor squeezed my hands, cutting me off. I smiled, finally seeing my Lotor return. He’d never been comfortable with people singing his praises. 

There was a small pause, then Lotor, looking very hard at the table, said, “You remember that Ketterdemian you made friends with?” 

“I don’t think I’d call it a friendship.”

“You robbed him twice and didn’t die for it.”

“It’s not like he didn’t try.”

“How did he stay sane? After everything?” I sat back in my chair, looking over Lotor very carefully. Pressing my lips together, I let out a gusty breath from my nose. 

“To be honest,” I said, “I don’t think he really was.”

“That doesn’t give us much hope,” Lotor sighed. I squeezed his hands and smiled.

“But the Muranisans do. Remember Gevinit?” I cajoled. Lotor squinted in thought. “Small things, fought more wars than there were people- even more than us? Planet was mossy, filled with those weird ferns and only one flower?”

“Ah, yes, the one that tried to eat your ear to gain your ‘powers’,” He said softly, voice rumbling into the table. I barked a laugh, pulling on my right ear. It still bore a small row of puncture marks along my scapha from the tiny second mouth. 

“Yeah, that one. They’d done awful things to each other, to family members and friends. But they weren’t cruel. The war was dumb, yeah, and each grievance only pulled them deeper, but they had loves, lives, and they were sane. So, I think there’s hope yet,” I finished with a slight smile. It’d be a long road, one with setbacks and hard days, but there was hope for us. Lotor searched my eyes, his own indigo ones flicking back and forth between my green ones. After a moment, he tipped his head to the side and gave me the crooked grin that showed his sharp teeth. 

“Ever the optimist,” He sighed. His shoulders lifted slightly, some of their burdens gone.


	18. Implications, meditation, moments

It wasn’t until days later that I really understood the implications of Pidge’s machine’s silence. Standing in front of her computer, I pressed a fist to my mouth, elbow resting on the arm wrapped around my middle. With Lotor currently at his second therapy session, I turned my mind to our current predicament. 

There weren’t any new blips. The three that had popped up when we’d first arrived- the ones that were supposed to indicate future portals- had remained the same color. That meant that the portal hadn’t shown up. It wasn’t really unusual. In some realities the two of us would be stuck for almost a year. The longest had been…about eleven months, give or take a handful of days. In six short days, Lotor and I would have been in this reality for a year and a month. I swallowed the emotion that might become panic and turned, striding out of the messy room. There were other things to think about. Other worries. 

The coalition was making noise about Lotor again, despite the medical aid he’d brought to one of the outlying planets. La’han was getting dull and my soul stone had yet to pop up again. I’d lost it during a small border skirmish during our seventh reality and it would need more time to find my soul signature and make the journey. The fact that I hadn’t meditated in a while only made it more difficult. Keith had been gone for a little with his mother and their space dog-wolf-thing and Lance was getting neurotic about him. 

‘He’s just goofing off!’ and ‘Probably getting close to some really hot babes,’ were the two favorite phrases. Even Hunk was getting tired of his natterings. The cruisers were getting low on fuel and that meant a trip to Colonyc to get the refined liquid. It was the nearest planet with the available things we needed. And someone was still trying to send me proposal holos. I really needed to track them down. I had a bad feeling it was from one of the planets I’d visited when Voltron was doing one of it’s ‘Peace Tours’ to keep moral and hope alive during the very long clean up process of Zarkon’s once-empire. Some one had gotten it into their head to request a ceremonial display of power and it’d been me and Lo that had been chosen. 

Of course, this planet had to see physical prowess as a mark of a good partner-consort-lover. I pulled a face and hoped it wasn’t the scraggly, willow-thin native that followed me around the whole night. It was going to throw friendly relations into a tizzy. I could just hear the arguments. ‘It will strengthen our alliance!’ ‘It’s the height of dishonor to refuse!’ ‘Our relations will suffer!’. It gave me a headache thinking about it. 

Turning into my room, I flexed my hip and sliced my palm, summoning La’han. Crawling onto the bed, I laid my scimitar across my folded legs. Breathing in deep, I focused internally. Passed the memories of the fights, the wars, and settling on the bright lights that were my family. My father, broad and strong, laughing about everything life gave him. My mother, hair like gold and dancing everywhere she went, smiling like the sun. My little brother, everything my father was and stern. Hair like night, eyes grey as the storm clouds that hovered around the sky’s edges. Before the civil fights, we’d been soft and pliant, dug deep into the sands of our little world. Looking back now, I remembered the strength that rose up in defense of our home, not the horrors of my first sight of battle. My family was an old one, more given to hand-loaded Contracts then the automatic phasers and Sun-fueled guns. 

Father had a glock, mother’s was a shotgun; double barreled and sawed off. Little Orion had twin pistols, silver like stars. I alone had a sword, and a scimitar at that. The weapon that once ruled this land. A single tassel hung from the hilt, red like fresh blood. And considering what I bathed it in, the metaphor was appropriate. The first battle had been the hardest. Not because it’d been against neighbors or people I knew. But because it had been what kicked me out of my safe haven, my reality, my little world. I fell into the memory before I realized what was happening.

\--

_The fight started from nothing. At first, it was just market day; people in stalls with brightly colored coverings, people shouting and haggling, owners hawking wares and buyers snubbing first price offers. We wove our way through the throng, clad in the best protection from the sun. Flowing robes, trousers that closed about our ankles and waists, tunics that were light as silk, thick as cotton. Our sandals kept the sand out, but didn’t stop the trodding of toes. Head wraps saved our scalps and necks. Our eyes were lined with khol, hands full of the promise of sticky treats. The pockets of our pants had a slight hole, always ready to give us quick access to our Contracts, should need arise. Fights were common, and no one wanted to leave with less than they came with._

_The yelling, at first, was no louder than anything else. But then it rose and everything else lowered. The dissent between factions was getting worse. Tensions strained, people polarized, families forsook each other. _

_“You shall be punished! Fire will rain from the heavens and wipe clean the sands of all wrong!” One man screamed over the din, standing on a crate or box to be seen over the crowd. A small group gathered below him, either listening with contempt or respect. My father shook his head and sighed sadly. _

_“Once we were one people,” He said to my brother and I, “Full of promise and praise. Now we seek squabbles and sides. Together we are strong. United we stand…” _

_The two of us took up the saying, “Divided we die. The sand has no love for sides. It is one, so we are as well.” My mother nodded, pride lifting her face. _

_“Do not be deceived! The waters are rising! We shall be washed clean, given new life! Plead the sea for forgiveness, give up the whispers of the Sands!” Another man was trying to contend with the noise, and shock lent him a hand.There’d been rumors, near silent whispers of a new belief, one of drowning waters, rising waves, and soft surf. How anyone could abandon the warmth of the harsh sands for the cold, unforgiving water was beyond me, but the faith was giving rise to civil unrest and disquiet.   
It wasn't like other religions were new to our people. We had off-world merchants and visiting dignitaries from other galaxies, but these people were our own- they were the same. They should have learned by now that the desert had no love for sides.   
Blows were exchanged by two such divided people. The fight grew like fire on dry kindling. My family was trapped, picking up wayward elbows, fists, and insults. It was like fighting against the sinkholes that plagued the sand roads. But, with a final shove from our father and a pull from our mother, we were free of the worst of it. After that, it was just running from the mayhem and out of the market.   
The fight followed us home. We had time to change into our less thick indoor clothes and then the raiders arrived. Fire and screams echoed in the night. My brother and I fled the house, leaving our parents to help defend the village. But instead of going with the rest of the children, we fled to our own secret hidey-hole. We’d almost made it, too. But then the portal opened and I was lost._   
^^^^  
I came back to lucidity with a whetstone in my hand. I turned my mind to the task of sharpening La’han. It was calming, in a way. My focus narrowed to just the scrape of my sword on stone, the rasp of the whetstone and my breath in tandem. Everything cleared away, my thoughts like mists before a stiff wind. My shoulders unwound, my breathing deepened and evened out. I smiled, soft and small. I felt a small measure of peace settle near my heart. I hoped it would stay.


	19. Mazes, crashes, dreams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's so late, I'm running low on chapters! Also christmas was a thing. Happy New Year!

I grunted and pulled out of the dive, G-forces pulling at my face and chest. Gritting my teeth, swerved into a barrel-roll, the Galra cruisers falling further behind. I plunged the ship into a steep dive again, following the rocky terrain as best I could. Why Shiro had to choose this planitoid to be our temp base was beyond me, but with the Galran random patrol behind me, I couldn’t really afford to wonder about it. I spit some curses as I whipped around the corner. Two more. I pushed three buttons and pulled a lever. Bracing myself, I shot from the cruiser, watched it grow small, then turn into a ball of flames.   
The cliff face grew close. Too close. My shoot wasn’t going to deploy. I swallowed any fear and wrapped my arms around my head. Death wasn’t here for me yet, but I wasn’t going to court it, either. I hit the ground and knew nothing. 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

_Rivvik was a big planet, even for the one’s I’d visited. Going around it took almost three years on foot, a year and a half by the flying ships they had. Most of the planet was covered in lush forests and deep rivers. Any- and everything could be concealed in them, from ruins to cities, to bandit hideouts, to the capital of the country. Only in my third reality and I’d found the one planet I hated most. It seemed to be the exact opposite of my own home, in the deserts of Earth. Why did I need to be here? There were plenty of other planets nearby with the markets I needed. I could have gone to Gyric. Or Silin. Or even Kyriny! But no, I was told to come here, and the shuttle ticket was a one way. I sighed, hiked my pack further up my shoulder, and followed the crowd out of the port building. _

_“Daiu! Only three mila! Fresh diau here!” Vendors and merchants screamed their wares, only stopping to haggle loudly with a brave costumer. The market was huge, bright, loud, and so, so like home. I swallowed unexpected tears before they could burn my eyes. Slipping through the crowd, I spotted a few stalls with familiar things; Sommal bread, thrul fruits, even masaka fabrics. Only the thick, wet feel to the air and the green everything kept me from thinking I was home. Pulling out the blocky black box from my pocket, I studied the screen before making a sharp right turn and darted down an alley. There were a few stores built into the walls, but the one I wanted was- there! Hidden behind grimy windows were words. “Mikkin’s Callerin Falin”. I didn’t have a clue what it said, but I ducked into the shop anyway. The shopkeep was short, bug-eyed, and had exactly three limbs. Two legs, one boneless, sinuous arm. It snaked around the stocky body and grabbed at random things, only pausing to put said items in different places on the dirty shelves. _

_“Ah, you are one. Yes, you come. Here,” It blurbled. I hesitated, but followed the shopkeep to a wooden crate shoved to one wall. Inside were bottles, wrapped parcels, and a few blocky boxes in various colors. Checking with the list on my own screen, I nodded to the waiting alien and gave him a small pouch. It’d been given to me by the mission’s lead before I’d boarded the shuttle. _

_“Payment,” He’d clicked, “For shopkeep. You know him when you see him.” Never really liking the buggy alien, I’d just nodded and took it. Now I was curious. The shopkeep dumped the pouch out on the floor, letting several gems and two gears scatter across the hardwood. I lifted an eyebrow, but just hefted the box into my arms. We nodded to each other and I left. As I walked back down the alley, I wondered at the ease of my mission. Was I getting soft ones, or was it special treatment? Word of my escape from Zarkon’s castle was all over the base by now and there wasn’t a person who didn’t know my name or face. _

_It couldn’t be that all these missions were so easy. Jirik got blown in half three days ago and we lost two to some skirmish on Calma a month ago. Maybe it was special treatment. They weren’t above showing favoritism. Or hatred. Thinking it over, I remembered the looks of adoration given to me and the looks of abhorrence thrown at Lotor. I hadn’t known him long, but whenever I saw him, he was working. Working on the ships, on the computers, the trackers, or even refilling the food stores. Whenever I spoke to him, he was kind, patient, and quiet. I didn’t really get the other’s anger, even with the backstory. Then again, I didn’t really care. It just rankled me that I was getting soft assignments and he seemed to be getting the worst ones. Not just humiliating ones, he got those too, but it seemed they actively sent him on suicide missions. Lotor seemed too nice to warrant that kind of treatment. _

_Maybe- a large, hairy body jarred me out my thoughts, shoving me into a stable wall. The mounts inside spooked and started screaming. Their noise was minimal to the overall vibrancy of the market, but I got evil glares from several people all the same. I shook myself and focused on getting to the shuttle building. I needed to purchase a ticket back to Diabaazal-three and forget about these things. I needed to find a portal. I needed to move on._

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

I gasped and promptly choked on dirt. Spitting and heaving, I scrambled to my feet. Looking around, I could see the gorge a few hundred feet away to my left, the dusty platue stretching into the horizon on my right, and mostly-familiar stars above me. I swiped at my torn shirt and sighed. Right. Doing this again. Orienting myself as best I could eastward, I started walking. Patting myself down, I took stock of what I had to work with. Most of my gear was in the cruiser, but I had my belt and scabbard, I had a few sonic grenades, flares, even a handful of some kind of food bars that hunk had made. Called them ‘granola’, but I still thought they looked like the snacks we fed our camels back home. I had a canteen of water buckled to my belt and Lotor’s glock, fully loaded. It wouldn’t work against the galra patrols, but it’d save my hide from the cat-like inhabitents of the planitoid. 

I rolled my shoulders as I walked, trying not to think too hard about what I had hurt in my crash landing. Both my legs worked, both my arms worked, I wasn’t bleeding from anything bigger than a scratch, but I was stiff and sore. I was rarely so lucky. Approaching the edge of the platue, I looked over and grimaced. A few scorched remains of my cruiser, along with what looked like the wing of a galra ship still smoked and burned at the bottom of the ravine. And circling the wreckage was three of the beasts I was trying to avoid. I grit my teeth and looked around. This was the fastest way back to base. If I walked it would take me about two or three days. Going around would add six days. I didn’t have the supplies to last six days. Four maybe, if I stretched everything and courted death by dehydration. I ran a hand over my face and groaned. How many things were going to go wrong with this mission?

Well, standing here in the blistering sun wasn’t going to do anything. So, I turned around and jumped backwards, off the cliff. Catching the lip of the cliff, I swung left and dropped onto the knife-like projection. It stuck out of the cliffside like a path, but only for about four feet. The rest curved back into the cliff. I huffed and kept going.   
Dropping from outcropping to outcropping, I made my way down the very tall ravine. Sweat only helped until the sun started to set, then the winds picked up and I started to shiver. But stopping meant loosing time and upping the chances of being found by other Galra cruisers. So, I wiped the sweat out of my eyes and dropped to the next rocky platform. 

Sometime around midnight, I reached the ground. Dropping as silently as I could, I paused. The air was dead and still. Only the acrid smell of burnt metal and melted electrical equipment. The cat things had left around dusk, but I didn’t trust my luck. Alone, I never did. Keeping my bearings, I started walking. At least there wasn’t any greenery to trap the heat in. I could deal with the dry heat of the desert. Not so much the humid, airless feel that came with forests and jungles. I breathed in the cold, dry air and smiled. It was hard to stay angry when I was surrounded by so many familiar elements.


	20. Ships, storms, caves

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry it's been so long! but I am in school and haven't had time to build my buffer chapters, so my posting will be erratic and more stretched out, but still on wednesdays. Thank you for your patience and support!

Third pov

Lotor whirled on the spindly boy, snarling. “What do you _mean _Solara is _missing?_” Lance flinched, but didn’t back up.

“Her ship went down over the mesa maze. Her ejection button was pressed, but like we said, where she landed and where she is now, we have no clue.” Lance scowled, arms crossed. Lotor didn’t know why he, of all the paladins, had been chosen, but it wasn’t helping with his temper. Scowling and pacing, Lotor dragged his hands through his hair. It’d been several hours since Solara’s distress beacon had gone off, and almost a day since he’d last seen her.

Two weeks after- after he’d seen…two weeks and he was just getting back to some semblance of normality. And now this! Of all things to happen, it had to be concerning Solara! Why was it always Solara? Why couldn’t it be Lance or Hunk or Pidge or _anyone _other than Solara? Lotor sighed and dropped his hands, head tipped back. It was always Sol because she was too selfless. Too many burdens and too little time and too much guilt. He was no stranger to wanting to work to off-set the guilt and wrong he’d done. Though, most of his wrong was just being born to Zarkon.

Behind him, Lance glanced around awkwardly and sighed. “Look, we’re all worried about her,” the boy clapped a hand onto Lotor’s shoulder, prompting him to look over it at the paladin, “But we’re gonna find her. Pidge is scanning all the frequencies she can handle, Hunk is prepping a cruiser to go look for her and- well, Shiro and Allura are meeting with the coalition, but they’re worried too!”

“And Keith?” Lotor raised his eyebrow. Ever since Sol’s slip, he’d kept his distance. Whether it was because she’d fought him or because she’d fought him and almost won, Lotor didn’t know. Lance couldn’t keep eye contact, dropping his gaze guiltily to the ground.

“We actually haven’t seen him since she, ah, dropped off the scanners. Or wolf.”

“There haven’t been any Blade missions lately.” Lotor didn’t quite ask.

“No.” Lotor snarled and-

The siren wailed, both men whipping about and staring at the flashing screens. Despair threatened to swallow Lotor. A fast approaching cloud was magnified on the main screen; a cloud of sand, screaming and howling, raced toward them, in the biggest sandstorm Lotor had ever seen. And he’d been to Kara, Silfi, and Gul, all sand planets where Solara had felt right at home. Now the winds had risen and threatened to destroy everything around.

Barely aware of himself, Lotor turned and ran out of the room and down the hall. Shouts followed, but he ignored them. Solara was in danger. He had to reach her before the storm did. The radious of her signal was almost an hour out, but he could get to the crash sight before the storm’s threads reached it and buried it. But she was on foot, in the maze. It would take her days to reach the castle. She couldn’t go in a straight line, not in the maze, so at most and going as straight as she could, it would be three or four days. Solara was a desert girl, she would be fine.

Except the sandstorm. Except the damn sandstorm. Lotor found himself in the shuttle bay, climbing into a cruiser. A phaser and three canteens swung at his belt. When he’d picked them up or from where he had no clue. But it didn’t matter. He had them now and they’d help Solara when he found her. Why did she have to go scouting? Why her? Why couldn’t she stay safe in the castle with him and be content with that?

Powering up the shuttle, Lotor shook his head at himself. Because she loved to fly and see worlds, look at stars, she loved to move and feel the wind on her face. And Lotor, for all she put him through, couldn’t blame or fault her for it. She was Solara, after all.

“Lotor! These are the ship’s last coordinates. The storm will hit that area in two hours. If she’s not going in the right direction you won’t make it back in time.” Pidge’s voice crackled through the ship’s comlink. Lotor didn’t even blink, punching in the door’s code and feeling the shuttle leave the floor.

“She didn’t. She’s a desert girl.” Lotor felt the jolt from thrusters pushing off ground to moving through air and pointed the nose towards the maze. Please. Please please please. Even from far away the storm looked big. He’d heard of storms that lasted for days, even weeks. This looked like one of them. And he hadn’t brought any food and not near enough water. Lotor swallowed his thoughts and fear. He’d find Solara and figure the rest out from there.

It took him too long to find the crash site. An hour before he found the markings on the cliff, another twenty minutes to get to the ground. The storm was moving faster than Pidge had said. It was almost on him. The grains had started to mess with his navigation and flying by sight in a maze was hard. He wasn’t as good a pilot as Solara, not by far.

Kneeling next to the set of tracks, Lotor tried not to worry. They were Solara’s alright, but to the left and right were two other sets. Animalistic and big. Swiping his tongue over his teeth, Lotor stood and started walking again. His thirst was trivial, compared to Solara’s. It could be a coincidence, these tracks didn’t mean she was being stalked. Lotor looked over his shoulder. Not even fifteen minutes and the storm was nearly engulfing him. He’d left his ship; it’d be no good in the storm.

Lotor’s eyes swept over the ground, a frown creasing his brows. These prints were rushed, stumbling, and- fresh. A sound echoed in the maze, but the wind was picking now. He couldn’t figure out if it was natural or not. Lotor started running. Here and there he saw small divots, like she’d turned on her toes quickly. Many, many times.Lotor grit his teeth. This was a fight- no, worse. It was running from two, three- two. The body of a large catlike creature lay feet from a red stain in the sand.

The closer he got to it, the worse it looked. It was dark, big, and still wet. Lotor’s head snapped up so fast it hurt. This was a lot of blood. She was strong, but not- Lotor’s breath caught. In the sudden stillness, in the calm before the storm, Lotor saw her. Face down and being watched by one last cat thing. Where the third one was, Lotor didn’t know, but his phaser was in his hand before his thoughts started running and he was firing before the creature even registered his presence. Lotor ran to Solara, carefully flipping her over and scanned her face. It was pale, a few scrapes, but she didn’t look bad. There was a gash in her side, one that had sand and the remnants of her shirt stuck in it. Lotor tried to ignore the fact that there was probably only one or two centimeters of muscle between his sight and her ribs.

The roaring got him moving. Before now, it was just small gasps and wheezes of wind, small reminders, floating streams of sand near his feet. Now, now he could hear the real start of the storm. Lotor carefully, so, so carefully, picked up Solara and started looking for shelter. Where, of all places, he was going to hide Lotor had no idea. In this maze, it was more likely that they’d both die in the storm, but he had to keep looking. Solara wasn’t going to die. Not like this, not here, not now.

Lotor turned the corner and lo and behold, a cave mouth opened up in the stone wall. Only sparing a moment to glance down at Solara in gratitude, Lotor darted inside. How far back it went or what was in it didn’t really matter. What did was the fact that the cave existed. Lotor had his phaser, he had three untouched canteens of water, and he had his medical knowledge. They were going to be fine now.

Leaving Solara took more than Lotor wanted to admit, but the cave needed to be explored at least a little and the storm was too close to move now. As if on queue, the cave was plunged into darkness- the storm had reached them. The wind screamed and howled, filling the cave with echoes and shrill roars. Lotor sighed. Turning back to the dark cave, Lotor raised his phaser and stared walking.

The cave itself looked too perfect to be natural, the walls were smooth and held no trace of wind-cuts, or water-smooth dips. Just a straight shot into the rock of the maze. When he’d gone about a hundred feet, Lotor turned back. He could spare no more time. Solara’s bleeding might have been stanched by the sand, but it was a stop gap, nothing more. Jogging to her side, Lotor took a closer look at Solara’s wound.

It was bad. He’d seen warriors and soldiers have smaller injuries and die, quickly. Pressing his lips together tightly, Lotor grabbed the first canteen. The wound needed to be clean before anything else. It wasn’t wasting the water, not to Lotor, but he felt the weight of it even as the canteen got lighter and lighter. He’d torn up his shirt, wet it, and wiped the sides of the wound, but he’d had to pour the water directly into Solara’s side to really flush out every grain of sand he could. There was a thin layer along the base of the canteen when he was done. They were large, but he still had his reservations. Lotor would have to trust that whatever was left wouldn’t be lethal. Solara was a desert girl, after all. She’d be fine.

Dressing Solara’s side proved more difficult than Lotor had bargained for. He had the strength to lift and turn her as needed, and Solara being shirtless in front of him was nothing new. The problem came with her fluttering lashes. Being conscious meant she wasn’t dead, but it also meant she’d feel the pain.

“Lo,” Sol rasped.

“I’m here. I need you to trust me. It’s going to hurt,” Lotor whispered, thumb brushing along Solara’s cheek. She looked so tired.

“Always, Lo, always,” She managed. Lotor gave her the last of the first canteen’s water and blinked away the awe that swept through him. It never ceased to amaze him, how much trust and faith she’d placed in him. Of all the people in all the galaxies in all the realities, she’d chosen him. Solara chose him and continued to choose him. Lotor pressed a kiss to Solara’s temple, trying to press his joy and fear and hope into her skin,

She was a desert girl. She’d be fine.


End file.
